PAIN
by Spindelhona
Summary: A story about PAIN. I do not joke about it, it is about PAIN. Be warned! Kagome tortured by Naraku. Inuyasha and Shippou fataly wounded. Kikyo turned into a lifeless doll. Want to read? An open ending fic. I have now finished it as much as I am able.
1. Chapter 1

**CHAPTER ONE. Placing out the puppets.**

**Disclaimer: Takahashi Rumiko owns Inuyasha. I may take some credit for this particular story, that's all. **

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"**Naraku!"**

Kikyo's voice resounded more than had she screamed from the very mountains. Her arrow was already glowing of her miko powers and her eyes were fixed at the spider hanyou before her. Naraku smiled a grim smile. Kikyo fired her arrow and it hit, shredding Naraku's flesh apart but not killing him. Kikyo hissed when she was hit by foul miasma and Kagome rushed to her side.

"Look out, Kikyo!"

Kagome purified the miasma by touching it and pulled Kikyo backwards. Naraku had already begun to grow back, just as he had done so many times before. Kagome worried her bottom lip. This couldn't go on, they would soon be out of arrows! But if she and Kikyo did not distract Naraku, he would aid the yokai attacking Sango, Kirara, Miroku and Shippou. At the same time, without her friends keeping the other yokai at bend, Kagome and Kikyo wouldn't even be as close to Naraku as they were.

_/And we wouldn't have been in this situation if Inuyasha hadn't believed the fake monk who told him Kikyo was hurt and dying! He told me he wouldn't run to her, and I said he would. How ironic. He would have found her if he had just stayed with me./ _Kagome thought, her mind trying to protect her from going insane by fear.

Facing Naraku scared everyone, even the bravest, so it was natural for the mind to flee the situation at hand. But Kagome did not want to think about Inuyasha and wether he would come or not either. It made her waver, and there was no time to waver now.

"Kikyo, we must attack at the same time. Perhaps our powers combined can put him at bay long enough for us to find the Shikon no Tama."

"I do not want to fight alongside you."

Kagome gazed into Kikyos' eyes to understand why she would say that. They were going to get killed, didn't Kikyo know? But Kagome understood when her eyes met Kikyos. They were after all the same soul, even if personality and circumstances had made them so different from each other. Kagome smiled, the sad smile that had become a part of her instead of the big, hearty one she used to have so long ago.

"I wish there was a way for us not to do this, too. But we must defeat Naraku."

Kikyo nodded and pulled away from Kagome. There was too many dark feelings among them for them to ever be able to enjoy each others company. They loved the same manfor one, and he seemed to love them both in different ways, making them both envy what the other had. Kagome's presence made it impossible for Kikyo to be with Inuyasha as she wished: the two of them joined in death, locked in the beautiful memories of what once was. Kikyo's presence made it impossible for Kagome to ever be with Inuyasha as more than friend. However, currently, for the task at hand, the mikos would lay their dark emotions aside and work together. Naraku. In all emotions they shared or did not share, they were at least completely agreed in hating Naraku.

"You attack from that side. We must try to shatter him as much as possible, striking him from two ways."

Kagome nodded at Kikyo's suggestion. Two arrows at the same spot would accomplish nothing. Naraku had almost pulled all of himself together, so Kagome made a run for it. They would still have time if she was fast enough. Kikyo remained where she was. She was to be the target, the distraction so that Kagome would get those last seconds to aim. Kikyo drew her bow, her aim steady.

...

Inuyasha cursed himself over and over while leaping through the forest.

_/ Baka! Bakabakabaka, how could I fall for the same stupid trick again? /_

The group was closing in on Naraku when a passing monk had told them of a strong miko that had been badly injured in a battle. She was now on her death bed, surrounded by silvery spirits with long tails. Inuyasha knew that had to be Kikyo. It couldn't be anyone else but Kikyo. If she was dying, he needed to go to her, but... He hesitated. Kagome didn't.

"Go check on her Inuyasha. You know you have to."

Kagome had been smiling saying that. Feeling relieved, Inuyasha left. It was not until now, several hours later - several hours too late - Inuyasha realized that Kagomes smile had been filled with sadness and resigned acceptance, as if she was saying goodbye with that smile.

Sango once asked Inuyasha if he would go after Kikyo if Kagome sent him off with a smile. Now he knew the answer, and he also knew that had been the wrong thing to do. He had left Kagome alone yet again, abandoned her, even when he knew they were close to Naraku - even when he knew that Naraku wanted to take Kagome away from them - or kill her. And he had left anyway, thinking only of Kikyo. Was Naraku just waiting for him, ready to gloat? Inuyasha could see it, Naraku laughing, Inuyasha's dead friends at his feet – a girl with ebony hair and school uniform lifeless on the ground, her eyes never shining again, her lips never smiling...

_/ No, Kagome lives! Kagome must live! /_

And yet, despite his own encouraging words, Inuyasha sped up even more.

"Hiraikotsu!"

Sango yelled and let go of her giant boomerang made of demon bones. It sliced several of the lower yokai before it returned to her strong grip. Kirara, the loyal neko yokai,followed the attack up, lessen the number of yokai furthermore. But killing ten only allowed yet another ten to come closer, and it seemed there was no end to them. Miroku was prepared to put up a barrier whenever Sango gave sign. That would be their last resort. In the meantime, he used his holy magic to defeat his enemies, his kazaana worthless here since Narakus poison bees were present. They were everywhere these days. Shippou used his foxfire to keep the yokai on the northern flank at bay. Miroku could see that the small kitsune was very frightened and nearly exhausted, but they had to continue to fight. Kagome and Kikyo were on ahead, facing Naraku. They couldn't allow this swarm to head on there as well. That would be the end of the two mikos.

_/ Not that it's likely they will survive anyway. But if we're lucky, they might hurt Naraku enough to be defeated by someone else at least! / _

Miroku ducked and Sango's hiraikotsu passed over his head, slicing a yokai that had been sneaking up behind him. He tried to focus on the fight again. Shippou ran to his side, too tired to keep the yokai at a distance.

"Inuyasha no baka! Why isn't he here?" Shippou yelled in a high-pitch voice.

_/ One can wonder. /_Miroku thought when he slashed through three demons at once only to face yet another five.


	2. Chapter 2

**CHAPTER TWO – Abducted Kagome.**

**Disclaimer: All rights reserved to Takahashi Rumiko. The story however is mine, although I will not gain any money from this. **

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Seeing the mikos he hated and loved the same time whisper to one another made Naraku smile. His smile grew even wider when Kagome leapt away, her goal way too obvious to ever startle him.

_/ So the mikos' are finally working together... / Naraku thought. / Not that it's going to help them a bit. In fact, this is perfect... /_

Unnoticed by the two tired and upbeat mikos, Naraku raised a barrier around Kagome where she stood on his right side. Kagome saw him making a gesture, but nothing seemed to happen. No pain, no glowing red barrier, nothing.

_/ Good, he's tired! We can take him down! /_

"Kikyo!" Kagome yelled.

"I'm ready!"

Naraku saw the mikos' aiming at him, not a bit concerned. He felt Inuyasha approaching from behind, and fast. Just as planned.

_/ The fool! He won't even see Kagome behind my barrier. He'll only see Kikyo! Until I decide otherwise, that is... /_

Naraku faced Kikyo, her stern gaze far from the soft one that once had pitied Onigumo, and decided to taunt her to make sure his plan wouldn't be ruined. He was so looking forward for this...

"I'm tired of you and your better half now, dear Kikyo. Die!"

With that, Naraku threw out his miasma tentacles faster that ever before. There was no time for neither miko to dodge or to fire an arrow. They were too close, the aim was off. Naraku saw Kikyo's eyes widen and he knew what, or rather who, she saw coming. He chuckled when he heard Inuyashas voice call out:

"KIKYO!"

Inuyasha yelled at the top of his lungs a second before he threw himself at Kikyo and managed to dodge the tentacle, shielding Kikyo's body with his own, tracing the movements of the other tentacle the same time. It was heading nowhere or...? In that very second Naraku let go of the barrier he had put up and Inuyasha saw Kagome standing rigid, unable to flee from the deadly threat, doubt and despair and agony in her face. Inuyasha didn't even have time to scream her name before the tentacle pierced through Kagome's right shoulder, making her arch backwards in pain, a shriek escaping her lips. Inuyasha felt his heart skip several beats and all he could see was the blood soaking otherwise white and green clothes. Naraku raised the tentacle up in the air, displaying Kagome's motionless body hanging from it, tearing her flesh. Inuyasha couldn't speak. He was still laying on top of Kikyo but his mind, his every fiber was focused at the torn girl he had failed to protect, his heart now beating but hurting him as it did. Naraku began to fade away, as if showing off in how easy it was for him to escape had there been any threats to him – not that there were.

"So, hanyou. Since you did not want to rescue this one, I'll be taking her with me. I know how to use her properly... "

Inuyasha fought to regain his voice, to make his body move despite his shock. Hearing the spider hanyou's taunting words helped Inuyasha to find his strength, his rage, but Naraku had almost vanished when he did.

"W- Wait!" Inuyasha jumped up, challenging Naraku by body language. "Come back and fight, bastard!" Inuyasha charged forward but was only met by a cold chuckle and thin air. Naraku and Kagome had disappeared.

"KAGOME!"

Inuyashas mind was spinning, he had called out her name without knowing. Had it really been Kagome? No, it must have been an illusion!

_/ I didn't see her when I came, it must be a trick! Please, let it be a trick! /_

Inuyasha ran to the place Kagome had been standing, finding her scent still lingering in the air, a scent he once had mistaken for Kikyos but never again since then. Inuyasha let his eyes trail around, searching for something that could tell him his nose was lying. There were red spots on the ground. Blood. Inuyasha reached down to touch it and sniffed it, even if he already knew it really had been Kagome. That scent. That blood scent he was too familiar with because he had failed in protecting her too many times- Inuyasha stared at his hand. Kagome's blood was staining it like he was the one who harmed her and, in Inuyashas mind, it was. HE was the one who failed to protect her. Lost in his own dark thoughts, still in shock, Inuyasha didn't notice when Sango and the others arrived to the scene. The yokai had left when Naraku did, leaving the rest of the group to come to what aid they could. Sango was helping Kikyo up, though not in a mild way.

"Inuyasha, where is Kagome?" Miroku called out his question. Inuyasha didn't answer. He was trying to dry off the blood from his hand on the hard, barren ground.

"Naraku took her." Kikyo answered in a neutral tone.

"What? How could that happen?"

Sango and Miroku both looked at Kikyo while Shippou was shivering, heartbroken. He had done his best while fighting, his very very best, and now he wanted to be in Kagomes warm embrace where no evil could reach him. She couldn't be GONE!

"Naraku attacked us both. Inuyasha saved me, but Kagome got hit. Then Naraku took her," Kikyo explained, no emotions what so ever in her voice. Shippou wailed. Plunging into Sango's embrace, the next best to Kagome's, he screamed:

"INUYASHA, HOW COULD YOU? HOW COULD YOU LEAVE KAGOME TO DIE?"

Inuyasha felt his heart make a knot on itself and he flung his head up, his despair too obvious in his amber eyes. Both Miroku and Sango reeled at the sight of them. Kikyo averted her eyes, as if she was seeing something that hurt her.

"I DIDN'T SEE HER, GODDAMN! I…" Inuyasha's voice was cracking, his breath uneven. "I didn't know she was there, I couldn't see her until it was too late!"

"Waaah! Kagome is DEAD!" Shippou cried, hiding his face against Sango's neck, making Sango embrace him harder and tears surface in her eyes.

Inuyasha yelled: "SHUT UP!" the same time as Kikyo said: "No, I don't think she is."

This gained every ones attention as hope despite all logic enter their minds. Kikyo refused to meet anyones gaze. Looking aside, she said:

"We'll talk later. We must depart from here now, it's not safe."

"But Kagome-" Shippou stated.

"No Shippou, Kikyo-sama is right. We can't stay here. Besides, we can't reach Kagome from here. We must find someplace secure and then decide what to do."

Miroku sounded far more secure than he felt, but Inuyasha and Kagome aside, he was the third to lead the group. Sango never had any desire to do so, she only stepped up during battles or jobs and Shippou was a kid. So with Kagome gone and Inuyasha unable to make a sane decision it was up to Miroku to keep them going, even if he himself more than anything wanted to charge forward and claim back the woman he considered family.

"You're right, Houshi-sama" Sango admitted.

They had to do something, but they couldn't if they were dead. With Shippou safe in her embrace and Kirara padding beside her in small form, the demon slayer left to pad in Kikyo's trace. Miroku followed shortly after, just casting a glance towards Inuyasha to make sure his friend would follow them and not do anything foolish. Inuyasha knew the houshi's glances by now.

Inuyasha knew they were right, he knew it. Yet it took him several more minutes to be able to part from the spot where Kagome had been injured, to avert his eyes from the stains on the rocks that was Kagome's blood; as if being there long enough if yet too late could change the outcome of what happened.


	3. Chapter 3

**CHAPTER THREE: Is there hope?**

**Disclaimer: Rumiko Takahashi owns Inuyasha. I made this storyline up, that's all. And it would be nothing without her characters... **

WARNING! Chapter contains sexual abuse and torture. If you are emphatic like me, it might get to you.

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Later...

"Are we safe yet, Miroku?"

It had been hours since the abduction of Kagome. The group had been travelling south and was now in the midst of the woods in a small clearing. Miroku scouted the grounds briefly and calculated the time and wind. Content, he nodded.

"Yes Shippou. We may as well set camp here." With a glance towards the dejected hanyou, Mirkou added: "We have a lot to discuss."

The group sat down in the clearing. Nightfall came sneaking upon them, coloring the sky in a beautiful pattern that seemed out of place concerning the group's mood. Miroku, Sango, Kirara and Shippou sat close together, Kikyo was opposite them. They didn't mean to single her out, but she simply didn't belong with anyone but Inuyasha. And, perhaps, in a twisted way, Kagome. Inuyasha sat on his hunches a few feet away, back partly turned towards the group. Sango and Miroku left him be and ordered Shippou not to call out for him. This would not be easy for Inuyasha. After a few minutes of silence while tending a cook fire, Sango spoke up.

"Kikyo-sama... would you please tell us what you meant with your earlier remark? You said that Kagome-chan likely isn't dead."

Kikyo nodded and faced the demon slayer. She was glad it had been the woman who had asked her and not the houshi, although she didn't know why.

"Naraku used a barrier to hide Kagome from Inuyasha. There's no other explanation as to why Inuyasha couldn't see her - unless he was focusing entirely at me." Kikyo smiled a meek smile. "I wouldn't mind if it had been so..."

Inuyasha refused to comment that. It only hurt. He turned his head, gazing out somewhere no one else could see, clearly frustrated with mixed emotions. Just before Kikyo was going to continue, Miroku cut in.

"Why would Naraku use a barrier? There was no way Inuyasha could have saved you both anyway, was it? So he could just have killed one of you off without hiding it." Inuyasha winced and snapped his head to glare at Mirkou. Miroku saw that and added: "I know it's harsh, but that's the truth."

Kikyo averted her eyes. Now she knew why she didn't want to face the houshi; his eyes reflected the same self-loathing she had felt before her death. Someone tainted, different from anyone else. Someone who couldn't rejoice as everyone else. He had the same look like Inuyasha. Kikyo refused to linger on to those thoughts. Birds were chirping good night as night approached, a strange sound in all the sadness.

"To try to kill us both would only show who Inuyasha would instinctively would try save. That is not in Narakus interest to know. The more strings a spider web has, the stronger it is."

Kikyo paused and Inuyasha glanced at her. She was sad, he could see that, and he recognized her expression.

_/ She and Kagome looks the same when they're hurt. No... when I have hurt them. /_

"The more the strings tangle, the stronger the web." Kikyo finished, causing Inuyasha away from his self loathing for a moment to ponder the question.

"So you're saying that Naraku won't to anything that could solve the conflicts between the three of you?" Sango asked.

Kikyo nodded.

"If anything he'll increase them. That's why I think Kagome is alive. The same goes for your little brother."

Sango went pale. She suddenly understood how right Kikyo was. As long as she was chasing after Kohaku, Naraku could play her as he wanted, using her to entwine more threads in his spider web. And she could do nothing but play along, bound by love. At his side, Miroku knew he and his family was in the same trap. Generation after generation on a wild hunt that they deep down knew they couldn't win. And still...

Miroku glanced at Sango. He knew he wouldn't stop, even if he was being manipulated by Naraku. Because if he did, he would end up dead - and never have the life he dreamed to have, never have the wife he wanted, never have the wild kids that would probably drive him insane. Miroku looked down and saw Shippou sitting with a finger in his mouth.

_/ If we don't defeat Naraku, there's no future for Shippou or the ones like him either. The small, friendly ones will be killed. / _

It simply had to be done.

Kikyo turned to Inuyasha, knowing he was both watching and listening even with his back turned away. She knew he too understood what his friends now knew, but she also knew he needed help to see Narakus new trap. Kikyo raised her voice.

"Inuyasha. There's a risk that girl wasn't aware of the barrier, just as we weren't."

"So?"

The answer was short and pointless and dumb, truly showing how upset Inuyasha was. Obviously Inuyasha realized that himself, and he turned his head to meet Kikyo's gaze.

Kikyo continued.

"So to that girl, it must have looked like you ran to save me, completely ignoring her. You didn't even call out to her." Kikyo's voice sounded almost accusing to her own surprise. But then again, who if not her could understand how the other girl felt?

Inuyasha felt his heart sink in his chest and he turned around angrily.

"IT WASN'T LIKE THAT!"

Kikyo rose, refusing to meet the fuming hanyou's gaze any longer.

"I'm only telling you how that girl must have seen it."

"I understand," Mirkou said, "Naraku will keep Kagome-sama alive and use the darkness in her heart to make her his puppet!"

"What?" Inuyasha snapped his head towards his friends.

"Don't you see?" Sango asked. "Kagome's weak point is your feelings for Kikyo-sama, that's no secret to Naraku. He set this up to break her spirit."

"Once done, he can use her powers to find all shards... and to fight us." Miroku added bitterly.

Inuyasha made a sound in his throat. He didn't know what to say.

"So Kagome will be Naraku's slave?" Shippou yelled.

Kikyo straightened her back, preparing to leave. She had said and done all for this time. Now with the new information, she had to make her own scheme to achieve all of her goals...no matter how hard or hurting. Kikyo looked straight into the wood, her back at the group when she declared:

"It's all up to that girl to win this battle. All I can say is that, if she still is as pure as she was when she healed me... then perhaps she has a chance."

With that, Kikyo headed for the woods, her soul collectors following her. Inuyasha didn't watch her leave. For the moment, he didn't care what Kikyo did. She was safe. Kagome wasn't. And there were too many thoughts and emotions in his head, all fighting and causing a blur, making him angry. Suddenly, an uninvited image of Kagome hanging bleeding from Narakus deformed limb came to Inuyashas mind.

_/ "You didn't even call out to her." /_

Kikyos voice rang in his head and Inuyasha shut his eyes closed, fisting his hand and slamming it into the ground, cursing loud and growling as he did.

_/ I didn't see her! Kagome, I didn't see you! If I had, I'd have come for you, you know I would! /_

Suddenly stopping his beating of the ground, Inuyasha hid his face beneath the shadow cast by his hair.

_/ You must know that, Kagome... /_

But still, Kagome's face as she was hit by the tentacle haunted his mind. Agony, doubt... but no surprise. She hadn't been surprised in seeing him saving Kikyo, neglecting her. No... she had looked like that was something she knew would happen and yet refused to believe in as it did. A sudden burst of anger made Inuyasha slam his fist in the ground once again, harder this time. The one hit made a hole in the ground and Inuyasha felt his knuckles start to bleed.

_/ Kagome...if that's what you believe, Naraku will use you. He'll fill you with evil miasma, toying with your heart and mind until you are no longer you. You know better than that, dammit, you do! You must...! /_

Her lifeless body hanging like a fruit from the tree of Death...

There were no words nor sounds that could convey the utterly despair Inuyahsa suffered. He knew, because he sought them and found none.

Kagome felt nothing but pain. Her world was pain. Not only did her aching, broken body hurt, but her heart, her guts, her mind and soul. Everything was hurting from inside out and there was nothing, not ever, that could heal her.

"It hurts so much, doesn't it..."

That sneaky voice. Kagome knew it by now, knew it was Naraku. When she woke up the first time, she had hoped despite all logic that it would be Inuyasha. She had listened with ears only wanting to hear that one voice, and so she had - until the pale, dark-haired, red-eyed man appeared. Now she knew where she was every time she woke, and she knew she was alone.

"Completely alone..." Naraku agreed with her thought. "And why is that?"

Kagome glared at the disgusting being in front of her. She knew what he was trying to do, and she wouldn't let him. Still, her mind betrayed her.

_/ I'm alone because Inuyasha chose to save Kikyo. He chose Kikyo! /_

"That hanyou chose his beloved after all, didn't he? Well, I shouldn't ask, I was there..."

Kagome felt hatred and despair fight within her, both trying to break free.

_/ No! Until I hear those words from him, it's not true! As long as he hasn't told me, it's not true! And even if it was, he wouldn't have left me unshielded like that. It cannot have been Inuyasha! / _

Kagome tried to break free from the tentacles nailing her to the wall, sacrificing her body to try to save her mind. I hurt, it hurt a lot but it was, as always, an useless effort. Naraku stepped forward, leaning in. Kagome could feel his breath on her skin and she felt sick. She couldn't move. She couldn't talk. She could hardly breathe, and this disgusting beast was forcing himself upon her mind and body, making Kagome feel tainted even if she knew it was all him, not her. She made a face when Naraku let his right hand caress her left breast. That was all she could do.

"I'm surprised Inuyasha didn't even try to save you, though... you are a part of Kikyo after all."

Enjoying the pain and hurt from the girl, Naraku leaned in even more and licked Kagomes cheek while his left hand squeezed her right shoulder, making the wound, now filled with miasma, to bleed again. Kagome tried to scream but she was gagged, and she came short of air trying. Biting together, Kagome focused on one thought, the one though she wouldn't let be stained, her last hope and her one sorrow contained in one name:

_/ INUYASHA! /_


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: No owning, no gaining money. Oh, and Rumiko Takahashi owns Inuyasha, not me. **

**WARNING! This chapter contains sexual abuse and other abuse. Only for adults!**

**CHAPTER FOUR: The angry miko**

Naraku was touching her again. Kagome felt sour bile rise in her throat and did her best to swallow. Previous experiences told her very well Naraku wouldn't remove the gag, not if he was certain she could swallow it. And Naraku was certain Kagome could swallow anything rising in her throat. So Kagome did her best to stop it from coming into her mouth; once there it would be harder. It was a wonder she still had anything in her stomach as it was. How many days had it been? Three? Four?

As if on cue, Naraku let go of her naked breasts and responded to her thoughts.

"Five days, little miko... Tell me, how long do you think your body will hold up?"

Naraku's voice. Kagome really hated it, hated him, hated his touch, his very being. It was the first time she ever truly hated someone and she didn't like it a bit. Even in her worn out state Kagome didn't want to be someone hateful. Prying her eyes open, Kagome found Naraku standing close to her, undressed again. He had not taken her virginity as of yet...

_/ Maybe he can't? /_

"Why's that, miko? Because I haven't?"

Kagome shut her eyes tight when Naraku pushed two fingers in between her legs. She was dry and it hurt like hell; the only comfort being that she was too exhausted to be devoured by the pain. Kagome didn't even try to scream anymore. There was no energy left for that. She just let her body relax as much as possible, trying not to think of the assaults, but Naraku's hated voice forced her to.

"If I can penetrate you with one part of my body, then why not another?"

By now Kagome was so utterly pained, spent and tired that she didn't even care.

_/ So he can take me, good for him. I just want to rest. I want to be with Inuyasha! /_

Naraku forcefully grabbed Kagome's hair and banged her head against the wall while pushing his fingers violently up inside her.

"Haven't you learned, miko? HE WON'T COME! He chose Kikyo, not you!"

Kagome felt her tears fall again. The pain of his hands was too much and she almost welcomed the scenery that took display on her inner sight yet again: Inuyasha screaming, shielding Kikyo, covering her body to safety, leaving Kagome herself to be stabbed, kidnapped, tortured...

_/ NO! I won't fall for that again! /_

Kagome flung her eyes open and glared darkly at Naraku, hating that disgusting smile of his.

_/ You odious creature! That wasn't Inuyasha! /_ Kagome thought, trying to pierce Naraku with eyes and words.

Naraku snickered.

"What makes you think it wasn't him? You know he'd pick Kikyo over you any day."

_/ Even so, Inuyasha would never let me suffer like this! This is all your doing, not his! /_

"Ah, that beautiful hate of yours..." Naraku pulled back, his fingers still within her.

"Tell me, do you think Inuyasha and Kikyo are in a similar position right now?"

Kagome felt all of her emotions, all her sense of feeling go numb for the longest second in her life, before returning in shape of flaming, scorching FURY! It wasn't, as Naraku certainly intended, because of the thought of Inuyasha and Kikyo together like that, but the NERVE of Naraku to suggest that Inuyasha would such a thing! To suggest that he was some kind of selfish being, prioritizing lust before life, enjoyment to responsibility. To let what he craved go before DUTY - To say such a thing about INUYASHA; who was willing to go to hell because that was the right thing to do! Kagome could hear herself make a blunt human growl even through the gag.

_/ How DARE you think so low of him? How DARE you? /_

Naraku snickered and began:

"Why, Kagome, miko..."

_/ Don't say my FUCKING name! /_ Kagome thought-screamed, sounding almost like Inuyasha talking to Kouga.

Naraku was to continue when his eyes suddenly widened in realization. They were surrounded by a faint, pink glow despite the miasma in Kagomes wound, despite Narakus foul presence. Kagome used her inner muscles and held onto Narakus fingers inside of her not letting him go during those two fragments of a second she needed before her whole world became purifying pink.

_/ NO! This can't happen when she's filled with miasma... she should be dying! /_

That was Naraku's last thought before pure, piercing and burning miko energy engulfed him and his whole castle, leaving only barren ground where the illusion of a castle once were. There were no minions, no low yokai, no other of Naraku's servants there. If there had been, they were definitely gone now. A naked, staggering and blood-stained figure could be seen in the spoiled soil, the one visible survivor. Kagome managed to let her eyes graze around briefly, searching for her foe. Finding literary nothing, she whispered hoarsely:

"Haha, I purified your ass."

That was all she could do before giving in to the pain. Kagome didn't even feel the impact when she fell.

Miles away, Sesshoumaru turned towards the sudden stir in the air. There was a rapid change in the wind's scent twice, and the first change brought the hated stench of –

"Naraku".

Sesshoumaru uttered his enemy's name in a low voice before he headed on towards the source. Naraku had created Kagura and many other yokai. He was strong; therefore he would be defeated. But worse, he had ordered for Rin to be kidnapped. If it was something Sesshoumaru didn't like it was when people took liberty with what concerned HIM. He had not been very happy to hear about the shattering of Tessaiga either. The imp Jaken and Rin, who sat securely upon Ah-Un, simply stared after him before they snapped out of it.

"Wait, Sesshoumaru-sama!"

"Wait, Sesshoumaru-sama!"

Since they hadn't been strictly forbidden to follow and they could still see him, Sesshoumaru's loyal companions were soon on his heels.

Even further away, Miroku suddenly harkened to some kind of silent signal with a "Huh!" and stopped in his tracks. Inuyasha and Shippou didn't notice; both of them were about to worry sick over Kagome and their focus were astray. Sango, however, rarely let houshi-sama slid out of her focus completely and she was quickly by his side.

"Houshi-sama, what is it?"

"A great burst of spiritual power, just now, straight ahead of us. I've never felt it's like before!"

Sango squinted her eyes as if trying to see what Miroku could feel.

"Can it be Kikyo-sama?"

Miroku seemed uncertain.

"It doesn't feel like-"

Miroku abruptly silenced himself when Inuyasha let out a low growl, sniffing the breeze drifting their way almost violently.

"Naraku! I smell Naraku's foul stench in the wind!" Inuyasha let out though gritted teeth.

Inuyasha snapped his gaze ahead, same direction from where the miko energy came.

"It's there! He's there!"

"Is he close, Inuyasha?" Shippou eagerly asked while jumping onto Inuyashas shoulder, trying to get a whiff off or see their opponent. Sango and Miroku dashed to their side. Sango let out a quick:

"Houshi-sama...!"

"Yes. Inuyasha, I felt a miko's power coming from there only seconds ago!"

"But now the scent's gone! It was only there for a second or so!"

Miroku knew Inuyasha was afraid of being sidetracked and by scent, he could be. But that miko power...

"We have no time to hesitate, Inuyasha! Someone linked to Naraku is there along with a powerful miko. Let's hurry there before they disappear!"

Inuyasha stood frozen for a moment while Miroku and Sango jumped up on the now transformed Kirara, Sango with hiraikotsu on her back and Miroku with Kagome's yellow bag on his back.

_/ What if it's a trap? What if Kagome's the other way? /_

Fear nestled its way into Inuyasha's mind, but in the end, it was the thought of Kagome dying because he couldn't make a decision that made it. Making sure Shippou was securely clutched to his shoulder, Inuyasha leapt ahead.

"Keh, standing here won't get us anywhere!" he shouted over his shoulder, trying to pretend to still be leader of the pack.

However, Inuyasha knew better himself. He was less of a fighter without Kagome, everyone knew that. But it was more than that. He felt insecure without her nearby, especially so when he knew she might be in danger. And this time she most certainly was in danger. So who could blame him for not being able to be the leader? KAGOME WAS MISSING, so who could expect him to pull his shit together anyway?

_/ Kagome could... /_ A small piece of Inuyasha's mind answered that.

Inuyasha made a sound in his throat and fixed his gaze far on ahead. That was true. Kagome expected him to function anyway. Kagome needed him to pull this through, so Inuyasha fell back on an old trick of his.

He spoke to Kagome in his mind.

_/ Five days... five fucking days, Kagome! Are you still alive? Keh, course you are! You just wait there for me, you hear that? Just wait. I'll kill him for hurting you! /_


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: Inuyasha belongs to Rumiko Takahashi. **

**WARNING! This story is for adults only and should not be red by sensitive readers.**

**CHAPTER FIVE: Finding Kagome**

"What has happened here, Sesshoumaru-sama?"

"Rin! Be quiet, you don't need to bother Sesshoumaru-sama with questions like that!"

"I'm not bothering Sesshoumaru-sama, Jaken-sama! I just wondered how come there's nothing growing here."

"You nosy human! Why would Sesshoumaru-sama tell you something like that?"

Sesshoumaru ignored his two followers, though keenly listening to them. Rin's question was motivated, but since he didn't have the whole picture yet, he remained silent. It was Naraku. Of course it was Naraku; his scent still lingered in the air, but that was just it. It lingered... but another scent was smothering it, covering it almost completely but to one with his abilities to sort smells out.

Sesshoumaru frowned. He knew this other scent too, and he did not like the picture it brought to him. That puny human of a miko who travelled with his infuriating brother, it was her scent... but why was she here, without Inuyasha? Had she been alone with Naraku? And if so, where was she...and he...now?

"Rin! Where are you going now, stupid girl?"

"Somebody's lying over there!"

"It might be a foe, come back! Ah, silly human!"

Sesshoumaru glanced aside only to see Rin dash towards a limp figure half-hidden by the soil. Jaken followed suit, well aware that Sesshoumaru would kill him if Rin got hurt. In movements faster that any of the two would ever muster Sesshoumaru made his way there and stood by the limp figures side before they had managed half way. Without turning he ordered:

"Stop."

Two eager "Hai!" could be heard before the sound of running steps faded away to a halt.

Sesshoumaru focused at the miko before him. His vision told him she was completely naked, badly hurt and unconscious, but her scent gave the impression she was healthy and strong. How could that be? Shifting his gaze, trying to see beyond what was there, Sesshoumaru found his answer.

"A barrier."

The miko was completely engulfed inside the strongest, most pure miko barrier he had ever seen. One touch and a middle class yokai would be purified just like that.

Despite Sesshoumaru's previous order, Rin had come sneaking up by his side to see, and her small gasp drew his attention.

"Kagome-sama! What has happened?"

Rin feel to her knees and stretched her hand out, trying to reach Kagome. Alas, the barrier prevented it, but without hurting Rin.

"I can't reach her. What are we going to do, Sesshoumaru-sama?" Rin asked, worry in her eyes.

Sesshoumaru knew this miko had saved Rin on occasions. He also knew she'd done her best to minimize the harm he and his brother had tried to inflict upon each other in the past.

_/ If Inuyasha has ever the slightest sense of smell he'll come soon enough... /_

Rin gazed at him with dark, shiny eyes. Jaken fretted around in the background. Turning his back towards the miko, Sesshoumaru sat down on the ground, stoic as ever.

"We wait."

Shippou was quiet for once. For that, Inuyasha was thankful. Any question what so ever could make him loose that vague scent he was following; the scent that had covered Naraku's. He couldn't quite recognize it yet, they were too far away. Naraku's scent was one of a kind; no one smelled so foul of jyaki as him or his creations, but this scent was hard to nail. It was somehow familiar, and that made it even harder from Inuyasha to keep track of it. Familiar scents usually meant no threat and could therefore be disregarded. Leaping forward, Inuyasha fought with himself in his head. Anxiety had gotten to him bad.

_/ I did smell Naraku, even if I can't catch it now! He was there! /_

_/ He... or one of his creations. /_

_/ Either way it's a lead! A lead to Kagome! /_

_/ Or a way to lure me further away from her. /_

_/ What should I do then, ignore all leads because they might be set-ups? I don't have time for that! Kagome needs me! /_

_/ No, she needed me when she was facing Naraku and was left alone to be attacked. Now she might not need me anymore. /_

Inuyasha started to growl. The mere thought... the mere thought that -

_/ I'm gonna use every attack I have on that fucking bastard Naraku! /_

Shippou said nothing about his growling or the lethal glow in his eyes. Shippou was every bit as worried as Inuyasha, he had the same fears, but he showed it by worrying for real. Inuyasha couldn't do that. The only one he would ever 'fess up to about being worried at all was Kagome. Without her there to calm him, to reassure him everything was well in the world, his worry turned to anger. Inuyasha had been very angry the last days. Still, Shippou wasn't prepared when Inuyasha suddenly jerked his head and snarled and he had to clutch to Inuyashas haori.

"Inuyasha, what are you doing, baka!" He yelled in a shrill voice.

"Sesshoumaru's over there!"

Miroku, sitting behind Sango on Kiraras back, overheard them.

"Maybe he has information."

"He better have!" Inuyasha almost yelled. "Because his scent's mixed with Kagome's!"

Shippou's eyes widened.

"Do you smell Kagome, Inuyasha?"

"It's her fucking scent I'm following! I didn't recognize it until now!"

Sango looked at Inuyasha, a wild expression on her face.

"Is she alive? Tell me, is she alive?"

"Let's just go there!" Inuyasha snapped out.

He knew the demon exterminator didn't deserved to be snapped at. She had lost almost everyone she cared about in one day, and she was very overprotective with the ones she had left. Kagome was like a sister to her, and she had the right to ask. But how was Inuyasha supposed to be able to analyze Kagome's scent properly when all in him needed not just her scent, but the sight and the feel of her? How could he think a straight thought at all, knowing she'd been in Naraku's vile hands - and now was in the hand of Sesshoumaru? Too many questions. Too many uncertainties. Too many doubts.

_/ But this is Kagomes scent and she's got damn it alive! /_

_/ Unless it's a trap, of course. /_

It was easy to spot Sesshoumaru and his followers even during dusk. The fire they had lit out on the wide, barren grounds made a clear marking and Ah-Uns rock-like resting form broke the line of the horizon. But even without those, it was impossible to miss the white brightness that was Sesshoumaru. He stood, regal as ever, clearly waiting for them.

"Sesshoumaru, you bastard! Where's Kagome?" Inuyasha yelled before even reaching his

brother.

"Such an idiot..." Sesshoumaru said.

Inuyasha halted some distance away, motioning for Shippou to jump off. Sango, Miroku and Kirara took fighting stance behind him. Inuyasha unsheathed Tessaiga.

"I know she's here, I can smell her all over! Where is she?"

"Kagome-sama is over here!" Rin helpfully called from behind Sesshoumaru.

"Rin, imprudent girl, be quiet!" Jaken spluttered out.

_/ Over there! /_ Inuyasha thought before heading off, almost immediately coming to a halt.

Sesshoumaru blocked his way.

Inuyasha growled.

"Bastard, move before I cut you to bits!"

"You cannot touch the miko, Inuyasha."

"What?"

_/ Is this bastard saying he won't let me have Kagome back? /_

Rin piped up yet again.

"Kagome-sama is within a barrier and no yokai can touch it. Jaken tried and he got burned."

"Wha - Rin! You shouldn't tell a thing like that to those people!"

"Barrier?" Inuyasha questioned, confused.

"Slayer! It might be best you are the one to see the miko." Sesshoumaru said, looking at Sango.

"To hell! We'll all see her! Stand aside!" Inuyasha screamed and raised Tessaiga.

Sesshoumaru glanced his way.

"You wouldn't want to do that."

Miroku stepped up behind Inuyasha and grabbed his arm.

"Wait, Inuyasha! A blast would hit anyone behind Sesshoumaru too!"

"Gh, keh!"

Miroku turned to Sesshoumaru.

"Why should Sango go?"

Sesshoumaru decided not to answer that. Meanwhile, Sango, using her expertise in yokai, analyzed the situation. Sesshoumaru had his whole pack here. He hadn't so far, and wouldn't yet, bring them to obvious danger. With hiraikotsu in a firm grip in her hand, Sango walked ahead. Sesshoumaru didn't stop her when she passed. The sight before her a few steps later did though.

Sango gasped.

She lay on her side, her knees a little bent. Her expression was calm, almost serene, but her body... scars. Wounds. Blood and soil, bruises. Sango felt her tears flow at the sight of her friend, her sister, being so battered. Rin sat by Kagomes head, her hand awkwardly patting the air above Kagome.

"See? There's a barrier."

Sango went to her and kneeled in front of Kagome. Silent, she let her hands trail the barrier. It was strong.

_/ What, Kagome, made you manage to make a barrier this strong when you've never done one before...? /_ Sango silently asked. _/ Do I even want to know? /_

"Sango! Got damn, tell us, is she alive?" Inuyashas harsh voice woke Sango up.

"I- I don't know. She's in a miko's barrier..."

"Can we see her, Sango?" Miroku asked.

"No, she's... she's not covered..."

"Not covered? Wha-" Inuyasha began, but bit his mouth shut.

There was a silence, then his raged scream resounded through the early night air.

"Gotdamn FUCKING NARAKU, WHAT DID YOU DO TO HER?"

There was a haunting pitch of pain in Inuyashas voice beneath the rage, a pain so intense Sango had to close her eyes. The blood... it came from so many places. It could be...Kagome could have been...

"I've seen her naked, Sango, please, can I see her? I want to see Kagome!" Shippou whailed, too emotional to be rational.

"NO! No Shippou, you shouldn't see-!" Sango shouted before realizing what she mistakenly let out.

In a blink, Sesshoumaru was standing in front of Inuyasha. That was about one second before his younger brother blindly charged forward to go to the mikos side. Miroku held on to Inuyasha's right arm for dear life and shouted to him to calm down. Inuyasha growled, snarled.

"Let go! Let go of me!"

"You can't! You won't be able to get passed the barrier, and knowing you, you wouldn't be able to stop trying anyway! You'd purify yourself!" Miroku yelled.

Sango rose and stared at her friends. Inuyashas eyes held some kind of madness and he was roughly struggling to get loose of Mikous hold. The houshi however was strong and ready to go to the extreme to prevent his friend from doing anything stupid. Shippou sank down into a crying pile, ignoring Kiraras attemt to comfort and soothe him. For one haunting minute, Sango felt as if nothing ever would be ok, ever again.

Then she heard a small voice.

"The barrier's fading now."


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer: Rumiko Takahashi gets all credit and income. I get none. That's the order of the world and it's all good. **

**CHAPTER SIX: Reunited- or?**

Inuyasha paced restlessly back and forth in a vain attempt to keep calm. Sango had already taken care of most of Kagome's hurts, using up almost everything in the medicine box. That alone scared him. But what scared him more was that Sango deemed it necessary for the bozou to check on the wound in Kagomes shoulder where Naraku pierced her.

Sesshoumaru and his pack had took their leaves shortly after Kagome had let down her barrier. Inuyasha thought about Sesshoumaru's parting words.

"I do not know what befell here, but Naraku is not yet defeated. We have yet to find his heart. Don't let your guard down."

_/ So it's not over yet... /_

"Inuyasha! Shippou! You can come now." Miroku called from the campfire.

Despite his fears Inuyasha more or less ran to them, Shippou in tow. The second his eyes fell on Kagome's pale face, Inuyasha first felt relieved. She was there at least; she was alive. But then his gut twisted again.

Her face was cut and bruised; her lips so dry they had cracked. There were dark circles around her eyes and new wrinkles of pain fought with her wrinkles of laughter. Even when relaxed, her mouth had a new bitter slant to it. But what was worse was the wound Sango was just about to bandage; a gaping, ugly hole straight through her shoulder. Inuyasha froze.

"The wound is cleaned from miasma at least. I think that's what the barrier was for." Miroku said in a low voice. "But a wound like that can kill her still."

Shippou sat by Kagome's head and patted her hair, tears streaming down his face.

"Kagome can't die. Can't anyone fix her?" The kitsune asked.

"Her time." Inuyasha was surprised by his own voice. He didn't recognize it. "She can get help in her time. I'll bring her there tomorrow."

Then he turned to leave.

"Inuyasha, where are you going?" Miroku asked.

"I'll guard tonight. Sesshoumaru said Naraku ain't dead, and I won't let him get to her. Not again."

Shippou woke in time to see the sun rise. He hadn't got many hours of sleep, but he knew he wouldn't get anymore still. Slowly he left his spot tangled in Kagome's hair and proceeded to sneak away from camp. Kirara twitched her tails in acknowledge but didn't move. Sango lay close to Kagome and Miroku lay nearby, both in deep sleep. Inuyasha was not to be seen. Shippou knew the hanyou was out guarding, but it still felt strange not to have him around.

Walking around aimlessly, Shippou tried to find clues to what had happened when he suddenly saw something glimmer in the soil. Curious, he bent to see what it was - and almost fell over by surprise.

The tama. The Shikon no Tama! It was the Shikon no Tama, only two shards away from completeness, and it was shining in pink, meaning it was purified. For a moment, Shippou only stared at it - and then he quickly grabbed it and ran back to camp.

"Sango! Miroku! Look what I found!" he shouted.

Said persons and Kirara woke up with a jolt.

"What? Shippou, what has happened?" Sango asked, worried and ready to fight.

Shippou slid to a stop before them and panted:

"I-was walking around, and - I found this - look!"

Miroku and Sango gasped. In Shippou's open palm was the jewel, the Shikon jewel. For a moment they both stood speechless, and then Miroku uttered one name, affection and awe in his voice.

"Kagome-sama."

"She...she purified it..." Sango whispered.

Shippou held still when Sango bent down to take the jewel from him and he followed her as she went to Kagome's side, opening the bottle that held her shard and letting the jewel slip down in it.

For a moment nothing happened. Then there was a strange glow, and the loose shard fused with the bigger piece, leaving only one piece missing. The glow increased and Sango and Shippou had to lean away when it engulfed Kagome, not knowing what happened, but understanding when they saw the bruises and cuts on Kagome's face begin to heal.

The group sat in awe, seeing the pure light of the Shikon no Tama healing the wounds until there were no longer any trace left of them. When the light faded, Sango reached out a trembling hand and pulled Kagome's shirt away from her wounded shoulder. Carefully, Sango peeked under the bandages.

The hole was gone. Kagome was healed. She would live.

Turning her gaze to Kagome's face, Sango was startled to see Kagomes almond eyes meet hers.

"Kagome-chan..."

"Is Kagome awake?" Shippou eagerly asked, jumping up on Sangos shoulder.

Miroku remained quiet in the background. He had seen what befell, and he did not want to show how relieved he was. He, better than Sango and Shippou, understood the consequences there would be had Kagome died.

Them having the almost complete Shikon no Tama was a mild benefit compared to the fact that Kagome would live.

Sango and Shippou called out to Kagome.

"Kagome, are you awake?"

"Kagome-chan, can you talk?"

Kagome felt some kind of...completeness where once had been an aching emptiness. Her body felt strangely strong and painless. That confused her to no end. She opened her eyes quickly before her mind could betray any fear or worse, hope, that Naraku could use against her. But the person leaning over her was not Naraku. It was Sango.

_/ Sango-chan...Sango-chan, is that really you? / _

Kagome forgot to use her voice. In her mind, she was still gagged and would still be punished if trying to talk. But Sango turned her head and Kagome found herself meeting two dark, familiar, friendly eyes, holding an emotion Naraku wouldn't ever be able to copy. And there, next to Sango, was a pair of unnatural deep green eyes which even now held a certain mischief in them. Shippou. Her wonderful yokai-child Shippou.

_/ Is this a dream? No, Naraku won't let me dream... /_

"Kagome, are you awake?"

"Kagome-chan, can you talk?"

_/ Yes! Yes, I'm awake! Yes, I can talk! /_ Kagome thought desperately. She wanted to reach her friends so bad, if just by voice since that damned gag was gone...

...gone?

"Kagome-chan!" Sango became distressed when Kagome did not respond.

"...Sango-chan..." Kagome whispered. "Shippou..."

"KAGOME!" Shippou cried and launched onto her chest in a clutching hug, but for some reason, it didn't hurt.

Kagome saw Sango wipe away unshed tears from her face, and behind her stood Miroku with a strange smile on his lips.

"Miroku..." Kagome whispered.

_/ They're here! They really came for me! But what of... /_

Kagome turned her head in a vain attempt to find the missing person, the one she so badly wanted to see. But he wasn't there.

"Where's...Inuyasha?"

It felt strange to say his name aloud, as if she did something wrong in doing so. Kagome shook her head to herself.

_/ That's just Naraku's mind games! /_

"Inuyasha is out scouting and on guard in the surroundings. I'm sure he'll come soon." Miroku said, glad to be able to give those good news.

Just that...they weren't good news. Not to Kagome.

_/ So he has not even been by my side... there was a time when he wouldn't leave me for anything if I was hurt... Perhaps...perhaps he really did chose Kikyo back that was really him after all! Because... Naraku wouldn't lie if the truth is hurtful enough... /_

Kagome lay perfectly still. Her friends was busy retelling what had befell when she was gone, and they were very proud to tell her about her purification of the Shikon no Tama. Kagome however didn't really care much.

So they had been worried. Well, she had been in Narakus claws.

They didn't know what befell during her time with Naraku. What he did to her. What he said to her.

They didn't know she'd seen it through only to find she did it in vain... because the one being she had wanted to see again wasn't there. The one being she had thought of, longed to, fought for to see again... was the very one who had let her go through that hell...by saving the woman he loved and not her.

She couldn't blame him for how he felt. She couldn't and shouldn't.

But she should hate him for leaving her to Naraku. Shouldn't she?

Kagome felt the completeness disappear again, leaving her empty, hollow, emotionless. Hadn't she known better, she would almost welcome the pain again.

It had been the longest night in Inuyasha's life. He hadn't left a stone unsniffed, no clearing unsearched. He wouldn't let anything or anyone dare to come close to camp, because back there dwelled his jewel detector, his friend, his Kagome, and she was hurt. She was hurt because he hadn't been able to protect her. He had been fooled - twice! - and the evidence of his failure was now carved into the very flesh of the woman he so deeply wanted kept safe.

Inuyasha would be damned if he let anything else harm her. Nothing would be entitled to even come NEAR camp.

But fulfilling his resolve kept him from her side when all he wanted to do was to be there right by her. But no, Sango and Miroku was perfectly able to tend to Kagome, whilst he was the only one able to stand guard and scout properly at night. It had to be like this.

Inuyasha couldn't count how many times during the night he had to force himself not to run back to Kagome's side to make sure she was there and still alive.

Yes, it had been the longest night... but it was over now.

Even from afar, Inuyasha could see his friends move around.

_/ Probably preparing for bringing Kagome back to her time for treatment... /_ he thought, but then he saw her.

Kagome stood on her own two feet, one hand on the transformed Kirara's back, a fresh set of clothes covering unharmed skin. And there, around her neck, a distinct pink glow that could only be...

_/ She managed to take the Shikon no Tama from Naraku and purify it! /_

Inuyasha felt a new emotion fill his body; he felt awe. They had all together lost to Naraku several times and got badly beaten as well...but she, Kagome, not only survived...but managed to take his source of strength.

How could someone so small and young be so strong?

And how could he ever deserve to be called her protector again? Compared to her, he was weak. Inuyasha reached camp, but kept his eyes downcast in awe and shame. He did not deserve to look her straight in the eyes. He had failed her.

Little did he know that Kagome took this as a sign that her intuition had been right. He had been with Kikyo and was only returning due to friendship, duty and... the Shikon no Tama.

Miroku and Sango and a very enthusiastic Shippou filled Inuyasha in on what he had missed, confirming what his logic already had made out of it. But Kagome was oddly quiet and Inuyasha tried to sneak a glance at her. She stood partly turned away, her eyes clouded over as if she weren't listening and her mouth flattened to a line. Inuyasha was just about to call to her when Miroku said:

"All we need to do now is to find Kohaku and purify his shard. Then he can come along with us. As long as we have Kagome-sama -"

"I'm going home."

Everyone snapped their gaze towards Kagome, who still stood partly turned away. Her voice had been low, but it had been a statement. Miroku relaxed his posture.

"Of course, Kagome-sama. We can continue the search after you have been resting a bit."

Inuyasha felt his heart hurt when Kagome met Miroku's remark with silence.

...

"Don't you think Kagome has been acting strange, houshi-sama?"

"Mmm. But it's not surprising. Naraku inflicted a lot of pain."

"But she won't even let Shippou hug her or touch her. It scares me."

"Uh. I think we'll have to ask her about what happened."

Inuyasha twitched his ears before lowering them along his head. His hearing was focused on the two people walking behind him, but his eyes never left the slender figure walking in front of him. Kagome still held a hand on Kirara's back and Shippou walked next to her, his eyes constantly returning to Kagomes face.

Kagome wouldn't carry him or let him cling to her back. The only one she'd touch was Kirara. Inuyasha would be lying if he said it didn't scare him.

It did.

_/ We're soon at the well. We've been travelling in silence for days and Kagome won't even look at me. She won't listen to the others trying to explain what happened. /_

Inuyasha looked at the very straight back of his Kagome. He couldn't make anything out of her scent or posture. He, who since day one, felt like he could read her like one of her books.

_/ Naraku did something too her, hurt her very soul. But what did he do? Kagome, I can't help you if you don't tell me! /_

Kagome couldn't hear Inuyasha's silent, desperate plea. Her mind was elsewhere, lost in the foggy places of the mind that offers oblivion.

She wouldn't think of Naraku again.

She wouldn't think of Inuyasha again.

A few more hours and she would never think of any of this nightmare again.

"Kagome-sama."

Kagome twitched, annoyed. She had just spotted the well and all her thoughts was on the future ready to leave all pain in the past. Why did Miroku have to pull her out of that? Miroku ran to her side, his eyes searching hers.

"Can't you tell us what befell when you were with Naraku?"

Kagome stopped in her tracks.

_/ Tell you what befell? Nothing befell, because none of this has ever happened! /_ part of her brain said. Another screamed for her to confide in her friend.

Sango, Shippou and Inuyasha all waited for her answer along with Miroku. The silence stretched.

"Pain. That's what happened. Nothing but pain." Kagome finally answered.

Pulling her gaze away from Miroku's, Kagome reached for the chain holding the Shikon no Tama. Loosing it, she reached for Miroku's hand and gave the almost complete jewel to him.

"What? Kagome-sama..."

"There's only one shard left. Naraku is weak now. You can manage the rest on your own."

"What? Kagome-chan...!" Sango called.

"What the fuck are you saying, Kagome?" Inuyasha half-yelled, his worry shining through.

Kagome began to walk towards the well.

"I'm saying I'm done. Good luck and good bye, everyone."

And with that, Kagome reached the well and jumped inside without even looking back one last time. Because if she had, she'd have to admit that despite everything, despite the pain...

she still very much loved Inuyasha.

And she couldn't stand looking at him knowing it would be the last time.

_/ Who am I kidding? Of course this isn't a dream. I won't believe it's a dream. But I can't stand it anymore. In just a few minutes, Inuyasha will be heading for Kikyo. They'll defeat Naraku together and then they'll live together...I'm done. I'm just done. /_

Inuyasha stared at the well, not sure he could believe his senses.

_/ No...this... Kagome did not just say she's not coming back! /_

But she did.

_/ And she didn't even look at me. She didn't even look at me to say good bye! She...it must mean...she hates me... /_

...

_/ Oh Kami, she hates me now! /_


	7. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer: Inuyasha and Rumiko Takahashi are both way out of my league, in fact, they come from another universe. So how can I own anything? How can I claim to have created anything? No, sadly, I CAN'T!**

**CHAPTER SEVEN - COME TO TERMS WITH REALITY**

Kagome sat in class half-attentive, just like she had every school day the past three and a half weeks. Her grades had improved a lot since she came home and she no longer needed to worry about make-up tests. Kagome had always been a fast learner, she'd just lacked the time before... although her friends thought she'd lacked the energy due to her illnesses.

_/ Being in the warring era was tiresome sometimes, but not to the point I lacked energy... /_ Kagome thought absentminded.

Then she blinked.

_/ No, all of that was just a dream! It never happened, I shouldn't be thinking about it! But since I am... I wonder how Inu- / _

"Higurashi! Are you coming?"

Kagome woke up from her pondering only to see Hojo-kun and her three best friends lingering in the door, waiting for her to come. She quickly rose, gathered her things and joined them. They strolled lazily through the corridor, talking lightly about the lesson just passed when Yuka suddenly squealed:

"And we're free next lesson, isn't it great, Kagome?"

Kagome glanced quizzically her direction. Auymi caught that and explained:

"Sensei gave us permission to catch up our homework during his period, and we're allowed to choose our working station. But since we've all already done all homework, we're free!"

"Meaning you and Hojo-kun finally can talk a little in private", Eri added half-whispering in Kagome's ear.

Inwards, Kagome let out a sigh. Her friends hadn't pestered her about her "two-timing jerk of a boyfriend", but since she hadn't said anything herself, they had come to the conclusion that he was out of her life a while ago. Since then they had urged for Kagome and Hojo to talk in private...and soon. Apparently, they pestered Hojo-kun about it too, because just then he sneaked in beside her.

"Higurashi...could I talk to you for a moment?"

Kagome woke up from her thoughts again and found her friends had already split the scene.

_/ Traitors...and how am I supposed to hinder Hojo-kun to talk anyhow? /_

"I guess so, Hojo-kun. What do you want to talk about?"

Hojo scratched the back of his head and smiled shyly.

"Well...you've been a lot healthier the past weeks, Higurashi...so I was wondering if we could go on a date or something this weekend?"

Kagome stared at him.

_/ If it was Inuyasha talking he'd be stammering, he had not been casual like Hojo-kun... /_ Kagome noted, but immediately denied that fact to herself.

_/ He's with Kikyo... /_ she reminded herself sternly.

Then she returned to her former state of indifference.

"I'm sorry, Hojo-kun, but I really need to focus on school. I've missed a lot and –"

Kagome shut her mouth before she let out:

_/ and I want to get ahead in case Inuyasha comes and gets me after all. /_

Mentally strangling herself, Kagome continued:

"- and I just want to study and be with my friends."

Kagome waited for Hojo's disappointed reply, but his face showed none. No, he was SMILING.

"Of course, Higurashi! I understand you perfectly! Let's go study instead, shall we?"

Kagome decided not to analyze this gift from the gods and simply accepted Hojo's suggestion.

"Okay."

Kagome paced alongside Hojo-kun, already letting the whole episode fall into oblivion inside her mind. She didn't know Hojo-kuns crush on her just increased by- a lot.

_/ She's so disciplined and determined! Higurashi is truly wonderful! /_ Hojo thought. _/ If she needs to study, I can study with her until the day she feels free to go on a date with me! /_

Sango gazed ahead, seeing nothing in particular. They were walking northeast, a random chosen direction. They were just travelling for the sake of moving. During the oh-too-long time Kagome had been gone, the Inu-tachi had tried to find rumors about Naraku or Kohaku, finding nothing. Realizing they wouldn't find any leads, they decided to go on random search, but they never went especially far. Because every time they reached about half a weeks way away from from the village - and the well - Inuyasha would get restless. He snapped for nothing, refused to do his share of work while setting camp and was overall impossible. This behavior didn't change until his friends decided they should return to ask Kaede for leads and advice. Inuyasha always objected loudly, but he was nonetheless the one to more or less chase the others back, a silent and heartbreaking hope in his golden eyes.

However, every time they came back, the air still lacked the presence of Kagomes scent and the well was untouched and unused. And very soon, Inuyasha would pester his friends, urgent to leave for another blind chase. He couldn't stand being in the village without Kagome, and yet he couldn't stop returning there. His heart still held a mad hope she'd come back...but she never did. And he didn't have the courage to go get her, something his friends could understand.

Right now they were just two days going and Inuyasha was rather calm...when not bugged by Shippo or Sangos and Miroku's fights.

"Miroku? Is the Shikon no Tama-" Shippou began asking his most frequent asked question.

"Yes, Shippou. The Shikon no Tama is still purified, however not so intense as when Kagome-sama held it." Miroku answered tired.

Being a houshi and all, the gang had deemed Miroku to be the most suitable bearer of the almost completed Shikon no Tama. He was after all the only one beside Kagome that had carried shards without tainting them before and he held some spiritual powers, though not the same kind as Kagome. It was simply impossible for Miroku to uphold the purity Kagomes touch brought the jewel, and Shippou just LOVED to pester him about it.

"That's because you're a hentai and Kagome's not!" Shippou jabbed out.

"Shippou-chan! You shouldn't say that!" Sango gasped.

"Why not? It's true."

Sango began stammering and blushing to explain why it wasn't proper for young children to accuse elders of being perverts while Miroku examined the Shikon no Tama for the umpteenth time.

"It's almost complete and it's not tainted...but the only one able to purify it except Kagome-sama is Kikyo-sama." Miroku said, partly to himself and partly to the hanyou pacing a few steps before him.

Inuyasha's twitching ears gave away that he was paying attention, even if he wouldn't answer.

Miroku locked his gaze on the pink orb.

"Perhaps we should find Kikyo-sama and ask her to take care of it?"

The red-clad hanyou came to a sudden halt before him, but then resumed his walking without turning.

"Kikyo has a plan of her own. She has no use for it anyway." Inuyasha grumbled in a tone that seriously suggested Miroku to drop the matter.

"Does Kikyo-sama know we have it? Perhaps she would come up with a better plan if she knew." Miroku continued his musings, glancing towards the hanyou.

Inuyasha just resumed his walking as if he hadn't heard.

He would not acknowledge an idea that separated them from the Shikon no Tama. Kagome had suffered for them to get it, and she was the only one who should be guarding it if all was right in the world. It was too early to take actions based on the assumption she wouldn't come back.

_/ It'll always be too early for that, because I won't accept that as the truth, ever. /_

"Inuyasha?" Miroku asked.

Inuyasha didn't turn.

"...so I can't call Miroku a hentai because I'm not supposed to know what it means even though he fondles your backside several times a day?" Shippou concluded Sango's lesson.

"Yes. No! I mean..." Sango groaned and put her face in her hands. "Look, Shippou, just pretend Kagome was still here and use only the words she would approve of. Do you have anything that can remind you to do that?"

Shippou thought for a moment, not noticing their conversation had gained both Mirokus and Inuyashas attention.

"I still have one lollypop left. I want to save it to sometime special. Can I use that as a reminder?" Shippou asked.

"A lollypop is excellent for reminding." Sango assured him. "Just keep it somewhere near, and you'll remember."

"But I don't need it to remember Kagome." Shippou said.

"No, just to remember which words Kagome would approve of." Sango agreed.

"Then you'll make her proud of you, Shippou." Miroku smiled.

Shippou smiled too.

In truth, the gang wasn't really happy. They had become family over time, and to loose a member...hurt. It hurt bad. But they couldn't afford to fall into depression. Naraku had to be defeated no matter what, for revenge or - in Mirokus case - for survival. And if they needed half-fake smiles and laughers to endure, if they needed forced arguments to get the strength to continue, if Inuyasha needed to check the well once a week - then that's what they would do!

Shippou, Sango and Miroku let the topic drift away and Inuyasha focused on his own inner world, trusting his senses to catch any danger.

_/ A reminder... /_ Inuyasha mused. Unaware of it, his hand drifted to the rosary around his neck.

It was no doubt a reminder... but of what precisely? Of meeting Kagome? Of being slammed into the ground? Of the benefit in a good behavior: you won't get hurt? Of the fact that no matter how strong you get, someone's always stronger? A reminder that something supposed to be subduing sometimes can be saving you? There were simply too many connotations to the rosary. Inuyasha let his hand drift to the left instead, towards his heart.

There was the scar left by Kikyo's arrow, the one that was supposed to have kept him sleeping for eternity. Inuyasha snickered despite his sorrow at that thought. Nothing ever worked as it should with Kagome around. Trust Kagome to break an unbreakable spell without even knowing it, unleashing a halfdemon who's ready to kill her only to subdue him moments after and then treat him to dinner the next day.

_/ But that was then, she hates me now. /_

Inuyasha felt his heart ache, almost unbearable. Was that all he would have left when the quest was over and done? A complete Shikon no Tama and a mere reminder of the one girl who had said to him, loud and clear, that she wanted to be with him?

Victory could only be bittersweet for Inuyasha the situation being as it was.

And it hurt.

**...**

Kaede sat in her hut. It was midday and she had chores to attend to, but her old bones did not allow her to move as freely as before – or at all. Some days were good, some days even better than that, and then...there were days like today. Days when her body ached for no good reason except being old. If it had been a sickness, she could have treated it. If it had been her working too hard, she could have rested. But Kaede simply felt the weight of her years...and too many sorrows, some of which not even the sun's gentle touch could soothe.

And Kaede simply didn't feel like going outside anyway.

It had been just a few days since Inuyasha and the others had left for yet another futile search for Naraku or Kohaku. Kaede knew as well as the others that the search was indeed futile, even with houshi-sama bringing the Shikon no Tama as bait. Or rather, that was the stated reason as to why the Inu-tachi brought the jewel along despite Kaedes suggestion that she'd keep it safe within a miko barrier.

Kaede didn't fall for the bait-explanation for a minute. The reason was Inuyashas feelings, nothing else.

Since Kagomes hasty decision to leave, Inuyasha had clung to everything that could remind him of her, everything that was linked to her. Kaede wasn't sure he was aware of it himself, but she knew. She had seen him holding her spare miko outfit, the one Kagome borrowed sometimes. He didn't sniff it or tear it. He simply stood there and held it for a moment, then he made a movement as if to put it inside his haori, but stopped halfway and let it drop to the floor instead. After all, that outfit wasn't significant for who Kagome was. Still, he had felt the urge to keep it because it had been worn by her. Instead, he had secretly taken the small bowl that had became Kagomes during the many meals they had shared in Kaedes hut.

So Kaede knew. And the knowledge festered on her. She had seen the effects of a Kagome-less Inuyasha before, that time Inuyasha sent Kagome back to her world never to return. That time, he had been hurt, but refused to take his time to heal. None of them had been able to make him calm down or take reason. And during the battle, Inuyasha had fought poorly to say the least.

But then Kagome returned and Inuyasha could suddenly fight effortless and take his time and patience to heal after Narakus disappearance. Not to mention how strong, skilled and witted Inuyasha had become having Kagome as companion by his side. Thanks to her, he met people he otherwise wouldn't have spoken to and learned ways of thinking he himself never would have discovered...and without Kagome there, it was as if Inuyasha had lost much of what he had gained through her.

Kaede herself was convinced Kagome would never again return on her own accord. Not after hearing Kagomes parting words.

_/"I'm saying I'm done. Good luck and good bye, everyone."/_

Kaede hung her head. Those weren't the words of one who considered the possibility to return. Had Kagome been making a big scene with pouring emotions...then Inuyasha could have gone and got her. But those words was an effective stopper.

_/Kagome is a mysterious girl... I will never fully understand her powers or potential, but she is needed, much needed, and far from 'done'. This is a troublesome situation.../_

Always half-aware of her surroundings, Kaede was startled to find a familiar person suddenly standing in her doorway, holding the doormat open.

"K-Kikyo-oneesama...!"

"Kaede." Kikyo acknowledged with a nod, and went to sit opposite her sister.

Kaede had been told of every progress and change Kikyo had been through since her resurrection, and she was no longer afraid of her sister as she once had been. Something, probably Kagome, had changed the once hateful being and altered her to be someone who resembled Kikyo in more than looks.

_/Something of Kikyo-oneesamas own soul has come back though the piece Kagome let her keep...even if it should be impossible. Kagome is indeed mysterious.../ _

Silence fell over the hut while two once very close persons quietly re-established their relationship, fusing it with the terms of the present. A lingering, mutual respect was always present between them, making them able to surpass any other hindrances. Without asking, Kaede poured tea for them both.

"Kikyo-oneesama...Have you come to meet Inuyasha?" Kaede finally asked.

Kikyo nodded.

"Not only him, but his companions as well. Last time we met, that woman from the future was kidnapped. I need to know the outcome of what befell."

Kaede looked dejected, suddenly, and strangely felt like a failure.

"Inuyasha and the others aren't here right now, but they will come back within a week. However, Kagome has returned to her time... forever."

Kikyo flinched visibly, a movement Kaede never expected from her sister. She looked up and saw Kikyo sitting wide-eyed - but her expression wasn't of joy, but horror.

"Are you telling me Kagome won't come back? How can this be?"

Kaede opened her mouth to answer, but Kikyo waved at her to be quiet.

"It's for the best if you tell me from the beginning, sister. Begin with Kagome being kidnapped."

Kaede had outlived everyone in her village. She knew more than any other miko alive, and she needed not to heed or answer to anyone except herself. But when her older sister Kikyo tells her to give her information, be she dead or alive, Kaede complies.

"After you left, Inuyasha and the others began to search for leads..." Kaede began.

"...and so, Kagome went back to her world without the Shikon no Tama. Since then, Inuyasha and the others departs and returns in a repeated pattern...searching for Naraku or Kohaku in vain, only to return in an equal vain hope that Kagome somehow would be here. But..."

Kikyo let the silence fall over the hut yet again when Kaede ended her story.

This was bad. This was the worst news she could have gotten.

In all her plans, Kikyo had took Kagomes and Inuyashas bond for granted. She had coldly calculated they would remain together, supporting one another - and prepared to join forces when she needed them to. Kikyo didn't like their bond. She didn't approve of it one bit. But her main goal was to kill Naraku and get rid of the Shikon no Tama, and for that, every other emotions had to step aside... even jealousy and despair.

That's why Kikyo had been so upfront to Inuyasha about what Kagome must have believed when she saw him protect Kikyo and not her. By clearly pointing out the danger, Kikyo was sure Inuyasha would use any means necessary to get rid of any doubt within Kagome. She had been sure Inuyasha was aware of how much needed Kagome was, so she had left it for him to heal her...if she could be saved.

Not for one second did Kikyo believe Inuyasha would let Kagome slip his grip. And yet he had.

And Kikyo was furious.

_/No wonder Naraku always wins if they so easily are preyed apart by his poisonous webs!/_

Carefully forgetting she and Inuyasha was fooled by a much more simple trick, Kikyo rose in one graceful movement, her anger carefully hidden behind a mask of indifference.

"Kikyo-oneesama? Are you leaving?" Kaede asked.

Kikyo headed for the door, and spoke over her shoulder.

"Don't expect the others to return very soon. If Kagome isn't here to do her work...I'll do it for her."

Kaede gasped, and called after her.

"Kikyo-oneesama...!"

But Kikyo had already left, leaving an upset Kaede with even more thoughts tainted by darkness.

_/Kikyo-onee-sama is stronger than Kagome, that much is true...but she can't infuse other people's spirits with power the way Kagome does. She can't lure out heartache out of peoples chests, she can't sing or play games or beckon out a laughter from the most introvert of people. My onee-sama... can't do Kagomes work. Can't take her place. And it is a mistake of her even to try./_

Kaede felt her old body ache and listened to the whining of too well used bones and muscles, but it was nothing compared to the heavy weight on her mind and heart.

The sun hid amongst the clouds and didn't surface again that day.

"Kagome? It's suppertime."

Mama Higurashi called up to her daughter, not wanting to leave her still boiling pots. Souta and Jii-chan were already positioned by the table, eagerly awaiting the delicious meal. Even Buyo was close by, waiting for a snack in shape of a trolls hand or mermaids shell to arrive.

"I'm not hungry. I'm studying." was Kagomes answer, a response Mama Higurashi had gotten too many times lately.

It was true Kagomes grades had improved a lot, and she really took school serious these days. But her daughter rarely smiled or laughed, and never was her voice echoing through the house as it once had. No, these days, Kagome was quiet and withdrawn. She drowned herself in knowledge but refused food. She forced herself to complete awareness of what befell in the world but wouldn't sustain her spirit.

And all Mama Higurashi could do was to leave her be and try to ignore the irony of the fact that Kagome now was a lot more pale and thinner than she ever was when she was "sick". Kagome wouldn't tell her what happened in the feudal era, so she wouldn't ask. But that didn't prevent Mama from secretly worrying...a lot.

Still, her smile was genuine when she served the males of the family, because Mama Higurashi was not the type to give up or give in...or loose faith. And she had faith in Kagome and even more faith in Inuyasha, at least when it came to her daughters welfare. He would come in time. There was no other option.


	8. Chapter 8

**Disclaimer: Takahashi Rumiko owns Inuyasha.**

**CHAPTER EIGHT****: FACING NARAKU**

Miroku didn't feel like groping Sango. That should have been a clear sign something was wrong, but nobody knew except himself. Sango had been kneeling forward to reach for a grilled fish, and Miroku found himself staring at the most plump, beautiful backside his eyes had even fell upon. But he didn't feel like groping her, and it scared him.

Miroku knew he hesitated because the feel of Sangos lovely behind no longer gave him the courage and calmness it once did, and neither did the slapping she offered. And that was because Miroku, too, knew Inuyasha wouldn't manage very well in battle without Kagome – and after those first weeks of calmness, the shouki was stirring in the air again.

That's why Miroku rather welcomed the silvery soul-stealers that entered camp just before their mistress. If nothing else, Kikyo was a good distraction from more sad matters. Logically, Mirokus thoughts and reactions to Kikyos arrival were the complete opposite of Inuyashas. Said hanyou jumped up from his sitting position on the ground, all his senses focused on Kikyo. She was still the most beautiful woman he had ever seen, she was still the first woman he'd ever love, but -

"Kikyo. What brings you here?" he asked, a strange tone in his voice.

_/She better not ask for the Shikon no Tama, I won't know what to do then!/ _

- she wasn't who Inuyasha wanted to see right now.

Kikyo looked around camp. Sango, Kirara, Shippo and Miroku remained on the ground, simply looking up at her. Inuyasha, standing before her in the center of camp, had never looked more like a leader or protector before, looming over his friends as he was. That fueled Kikyo's anger.

_/A protector does not let his ward leave like that!/_

"How could you let my reincarnation leave, Inuyasha?"

Of all things Inuyasha expected Kikyo to say, that wasn't one of them. That one sentence was offensive in more ways than he could count, and he didn't know what angered him the most: that Kikyo accused him of letting Kagome leave or that she reduced Kagome to be her reincarnation and not her own person.

"I thought you'd be happy! It's not like you haven't tried to get rid of her yourself before! And her name is Kagome!" Inuyasha yelled.

Kikyo narrowed her eyes. Never...never before had Inuyasha yelled angrily at her. Yelled due to worry and confusion, yes, but never due to anger.

"I have never intended for Kagome to die or be gone for good. If I had, she'd been long gone." Kikyo lied. "I need her to carry out my plan. You are the one who let Naraku leave his dark seeds inside her heart, so don't yell at me, Inuyasha!"

Inuyasha was about to growl something back when Miroku interrupted.

"What do you mean by dark seeds, Kikyo-sama?"

Kikyo welcomed the distraction. She was angry, but she did not want to continue the argument with Inuyasha. It would bring them naught but pain. Even looking into the monk's eyes and see that familiar haunted gaze was a relieve compared to that.

"Why else would she leave, unless her heart has been corrupted? Still, I believed you'd be able to keep her here. I didn't thought of you to let one of you leave to suffer alone."

_/Even if that's what I must do./ _Kikyo added silently with a for her unusual self-pity.

Inuyasha growled louder and Shippo jumped up on him, trying to calm him. Miroku and Sango left them be, knowing Inuyasha would never harm Kikyo.

"I don't think Kagome-samas heart is corrupted. She was able to purify the Shikon no Tama, we saw it. And before that, she subconsciously created a miko barrier to shield herself. I don't think she'd manage that if her heart was tainted." Miroku mused.

Kikyo blinked.

"You...saw her purify the jewel?"

_/I presumed Kagome managed to do that before Naraku completely corrupted her. I couldn't see no other explanation as to why she would leave. But if not so...why?/_

"So she was still pure? Then why? Why did she leave you?" Kikyo asked, at loss of explanations.

"She said we could manage the rest on out own." Shippo piped up. "With Naraku so weakened and us having the jewel and all..."

"That's no reason for her to leave." Kikyo said simply, and in his mind, Inuyasha agreed. Then he thought of something.

"She-she suffered through a lot of pain with Naraku. Perhaps that's..."

Kikyo turned her eyes towards Inuyasha, a silent accusing in her eyes. She died by Naraku's hand...

"So have I, but I'm still here."

Hurt by both the reminder of their once believed betrayal and the fact that Kikyo suggested Kagome was a weakling for leaving, Inuyasha literally bared his fangs to Kikyo and screamed:

"YES, BECAUSE KAGOME SAVED YOU EVERY TIME! It's HER fucking soul you are using, it was HER who saved you in that miko-eating cave, and it was SHE who purified the poison inside your body and THAT'S WHY YOU'RE STILL HERE! Don't you DARE accuse Kagome!"

Kikyo winced. The barb hit home. What Inuyasha said was the truth and she knew it. There was more to it than that, of course. All the times Kikyo had supported from the shadows, making sure Inuyasha won his battles on his ways to Kagome, testing their ability to rely on one another...all those times should be counted too. But Inuyasha knew nothing of those and she couldn't very well tell.

_/Not unlike how Inuyasha must have felt when I accused him for betraying me when I was just resurrected.../_ part of Kikyo reflected.

The silence stretched around camp when Sango's melodic voice was raised.

"...perhaps Kagome-chan left because she didn't want to be in your way."

Inuyasha frowned. Sango caught that and elaborated:

"Kagome-chan thought you ran to save Kikyo that day. Perhaps she decided to move out of the way...so you could be together."

Sango didn't like that idea herself, but hearing Inuyasha and Kikyo argue made her think of how stunned Kagome had been had she heard it. Kagome believed Inuyasha and Kikyo to always get along...and that's when it hit her. And to the look of things, her guess was the truth.

Inuyasha pondered what Sango said.

_/I DIDN'T run to Kikyo that day...but Kagome doesn't know that, she wouldn't listen to us. Even so, Kagome decided long ago to stay even with me protecting Kikyo first and her second. Why would she change her mind? That knowing in her eyes when she was pierced back then... no surprise. If she knew, then.../_

Inuyasha was brought back from his unfinished thoughts when an evil aura appeared. Sango and Miroku flew up on their feet.

"Inuyasha!" Miroku called out.

"I know! It's Naraku! And there are several minor yokai along with him!" Inuyasha shouted and drew Tessaiga. Shippo clutched to his back, hair on end.

_/Even without the Shikon no Tama, Naraku is strong...and he have had a lot of time to gather allies in the past! We cannot take him lightly!/_ Inuyasha thought, knowing all of the others thought similar things.

Everyone looked up and saw the previous clear night sky darken by thousands and thousands of dragon and snake yokai, all headed towards their group. Sango looked around.

"This clearing is too crowded! We better get out on field!"

"We can hide better in here." Kikyo objected, thinking only about her own method of fighting. Face to face was not the best scenario for archery in battle.

Sango glared at her.

"Then you stay here and hide and the rest of us go and fight! Kirara!"

The neko yokai transformed in a blast of flames and Sango and Miroku mounted her. Inuyasha preyed Shippo off his back and tossed him to Miroku.

"Oi, bring the brat along! He's safer with you!"

"Yes!" was all Miroku managed out before Kirara took off, baiting several of the yokai.

Inuyasha followed them with his eyes and cursed to himself when he remembered that the monk still had the Shikon no Tama with him.

_/But I have to believe that the four of them will be able to protect it, it's too late now!/ _

Feeling his blood race in his veins while the adrenaline gathered, Inuyasha ogled towards Kikyo.

_/I'm not sure Kikyo and I are able to fight together like Kagome and I.../_

Inuyasha tightened his grip around Tessaiga and took battle stance.

"Fools of yokai... won't know what hit them... KAZE NO KIZU!"

"HIRAIKOTSU!"

Sango let her giant boomerang swirl out and killed several yokai. Kirara followed her movement through, biting and clawing some yokai Sango missed while meeting up in hiraikotsus way. Miroku played with his rosary around his hands.

"Sango, hold on to hiraikotsu! I'm going to use my kazaana!"

"No, Miroku, you can't!" Shippo yelled from his back. "There are poisonous insects hiding on the yokai! I saw one! Look!"

Shippo jumped forward to stand on Kiraras head and attacked a small yokai.

"Kitsune-bi!"

The yokai perished in the fire, but a single bee flew out of its shell first. Miroku immediately dropped the rosary.

"That Naraku! I can't use the kazaana!"

"He knows we have the jewel!" Sango screamed and threw hiraikotsu again. "He won't go easy on us!"

Miroku sat up straight, even on a wildly bucking and fighting Kirara.

"No, Sango, he doesn't believe WE have it! He believes Inuyasha or Kikyo has it!"

Sango looked back over her shoulder.

"Eh? But that means...!"

"We must turn back! Inuyasha and Kikyo are probably facing Naraku!"

"But, houshi-sama, isn't it better we keep it safe? Kagome-chan nearly died to -"

Sango stopped in mid sentence when her gaze met Mirokus.

"Sango... it's true Kagome almost died for the jewel. But she isn't here. Inuyasha is. And he's our friend as well."

Sango felt her cheeks burn and hung her head, slightly nodding. She just hadn't thought if through. Pushing her shame aside, Sango found her fighting spirit inside herself and yelled:

"Kirara! Go back to Inuyasha!"

It was hard to fight in the darkness even for one with night vision, and the vegetation didn't make it any easier. Yokai used the trees to hide behind... or attack with.

_/Dammit! It would've been better if we all stuck together!/ _Inuyasha thought as he struggled with one of the bigger dragon yokai. _/But I guess Kikyo and me can be a good bait for Naraku. I'll never let him have the jewel again, not after what Kagome -/_

Fire suddenly filled the air and Inuyasha ducked on instinct before realizing it wasn't anything that could harm him. The maneuver left an open spot for attacks and his enemies weren't late to use it. Inuyasha jumped high up in the air to avoid it and was nearly hit by one of Kikyos arrows. It passed him and strike its goal, leaving purified yokai flesh in its wake. Having lost part of his composure, Inuyasha had to struggle with a pathetic, weak snake before simply fencing it away in midair. He landed back on the ground in an ungraceful way, unbalanced and aggravated as he was. He spun around, ready to yell at the miko for her poor aim, but his words got stuck in his throat.

Kikyo was aiming the other way, not looking at him, her arrow shining with miko power even before letting go. Her focus was completely on the fight and her aim far from poor; in fact, it was the opposite. No one, not even Inuyasha, had the right to rack down on her skills as fighter and archer.

Inuyashas share of yokai demanded his attention again and he wielded his sword effortless.

"Kaze no Kizu!"

The vile winds chasing foes away gave Inuyasha a breather and he used it to contemplate the situation - or rather, what disturbed him about the situation.

_/Had it been Kagome, that would have happened due to her poor aim for sure... But it would also have been because she was trying to help me. And she would have known of her mistake and waited for my rebuke, either to accept it or to challenge me. She would not, not ever, simply miss or ignore it./_

Inuyasha bit his teeth together.

_/I want to protect Kikyo, but she doesn't even need my protection! What am I -/_

"Inuyasha. And with your miko of choice, I see."

Kikyo whirled around and released an arrow without hesitation. It hit its mark in midair but did not penetrate Narakus sphere. Inuyasha deposed of the close by foes in one sweep and faced his opponent.

"Naraku!"

Naraku gazed down on him, a taunting smile on his thin lips. Even without the Shikon no Tama Naraku was strong, and what power he had gained with it in his possession did not leave him. And the only one who truly was a threat to him was no longer present. Despite not having the Shikon no Tama, Naraku could take his time to toy with his foes. And toy he would.

"You are so predictable, Inuyasha. Always trying to return to what once was. You and Kikyo fighting together again, protecting the jewel... how sweet."

Inuyasha held back the instinct to change glances with Kikyo. They couldn't risk revealing the fact that they didn't have the jewel. Inuyasha never felt like he couldn't stand a chance, never, but that didn't stop him from being cautious from time to time... especially when being rash could hurt his friends.

...and it hurt to admit, but he simply wasn't as confident and cocky without Kagome right behind him. Doubt somehow always found its way inside his brain then.

"Us fighting together only shows that you are truly alone, Naraku."

Kikyos voice woke Inuyasha up from his semi-aware pondering and he tightened his grip around Tessaiga.

"Yeah, and today's the day I'll kill you!"

Taking a leap up, Inuyasha wielded his father's fang and yelled out:

"Kaze no Kizu!"

Inuyasha was startled when an arrow passed him, because he hadn't heard "Go!" or "Hit the mark!". He shook his head and landed again, already knowing their attacks wouldn't harm Naraku. Stepping backwards he made sure his body shielded Kikyo in case of a counterattack. However, Naraku simply waited for the wind and purifying energy to pass without sending it back at them. His narrowed, taunting eyes matched his smirk perfectly.

"Oh, this I recognize... last time, however, another miko was seen over there. "

Naraku made a gesture and suddenly Kagome appeared out of nowhere to their right.

"Kagome!" Inuyashas call came before he could stop it. Kikyo immediately placed a hand on his back to make sure he didn't move.

"It's a decoy. It's not her."

Inuyasha gritted his teeth. He knew it wasn't her, it wasn't her smell!

... or at least not exactly. It was a lot like her smell, though...

Kagome took an unsure step towards them, eyes wide with confusion and a hint of sadness.

"Inuyasha...?"

Kikyo studied her grip on Inuyashas back.

"It's a decoy! Ignore it, focus on Naraku!"

Inuyasha tore his gaze away from the fake Kagome _/Or is it fake, got damn, it smells like her!/ _and faced a smirking Naraku. The sight of his foe made Inuyasha's blood boil, and Kikyo's hand on his back unnerved him.

"Fucking bastard, Kagome is far from here and safe, so quit your games and fight already!"

Naraku chuckled.

"You want to fight? By all means!"

Suddenly the air was filled with swirling tentacles and Inuyasha couldn't get a clear shot at Naraku. Stepping away from Kikyo to get room, Inuyasha swinged Tessaiga to clear the air. The tentacles ripped apart and vanished, but stinging, poisonous shoki took its place.

"Kikyo! Clear the air with an arrow!" Inuyasha screamed out.

Kikyo complied without a word. She was well aware of the fact that Inuyasha had given her an order and she had obeyed. She also knew that this was the first time ever the two of them had actually fought together as a team. Inuyasha cut the tentacles down and she kept the air clean. And despite the fact that Kikyo felt unbelievable happy about them fighting together for real, they weren't getting anywhere. Kikyo tried to come up with a plan to gain time enough to change strategy when a tentacle suddenly changed way and increased speed.

It was heading straight towards her. She had no chance to avoid it or hit it with an arrow.

_/The same thing again! Naraku, he's going to fool Inuyasha! I must warn him, but how?/_ Kikyo thought.

"KIKYO!"

Inuyashas yell rung through the air and Kikyo felt her body being pressed roughly on the ground, facing down. But she didn't need to lift her head to know what was going on straight ahead, just for Inuyasha to see. She did it anyway.

The fake Kagome stood frightened, tears running down her cheeks, her expression one of utter despair. It was an expression the real Kagome wouldn't show for just anything, even Kikyo knew that. But Naraku had seen it. Naraku had made her look that way.

And now Inuyasha saw. Now Inuyasha saw that Kagome with that expression being pierced yet again by a foul tentacle, her scream echoing unnaturally. Kikyo could feel Inuyasha's breath stop and his whole body tense up.

_/No.../_

"KAGOMEEE!"

Inuyasha flew to his feet, leaving Tessaiga behind. He clawed his way through the tentacles to the fake Kagomes side and held her.

"Kagome! Kagome! Kagome!"

Kikyo called out for Inuyasha, but it was too late. Her body was wrapped, she was locked, and just before her eyes were blindfolded she saw the false Kagome explode into a web of tentacles and thorns. Inuyasha screamed, but not loud enough to cover the sound of Naraku's laugh.

"Stupid hanyou! I've red every thought that little miko had in her head, and I know how powerful you become when full yokai. Soon, I'll have my jewel.. and the added power of full yokai you!"

Inuyasha screamed again. The pain was too much, too sudden! Part of his brain still believed he had to try to rescue Kagome, and he looked around for her and panicked when he couldn't see her.

_/Where is she where is she where is she I must find her Kagome Kagome Kagome!/_

In his unstable state of mind, Inuyasha couldn't protect himself or even think straight. Another tentacle speared though him and Inuyasha staggered backwards, a broken sound sputtering over his lips. His vision began to dim and he slumped to the ground, one hand clutched around the thorn in his stomach. Blood smeared his hand. Then he couldn't think anymore.

Naraku made a disgusted face and pulled his tentacles out of Inuyashas body. The hanyou would transform or die, and he had learned from Kagome's thoughts that Inuyasha wasn't the type bound to give up. He would transform, and soon. But Naraku still had time to retrieve the jewel first.

If the jewel had only been there.

Already while defeating Inuyasha, Naraku had been aware of the fact that Kikyo didn't have the jewel after all, and neither did Inuyasha. Annoying to say the least.

The night skies was slowly giving room for a new day. Already the sun was climbing in the east. Somewhere in the distance birds where chirping. Naraku hovered inside his shield in the middle of a wretched clearing where blood of many yokai and Inuyasha was splattered around. Kikyo was trapped inside a cocoon forgotten on the ground. And Inuyasha himself was just about to get up, his stance and posture quite the different from before.

That's the sight that met Miroku, Sango, Shippo and Kirara when they returned after finally having defeated their share of enemies. Naraku immediately sensed them and turned around., his gaze fixed on Miroku.

"So, houshi... YOU have the Shikon no Tama. How good of you to join us."

Naraku made a gesture towards the now fully standing Inuyasha, red eyes glimmering even from a distance.

"The fun is just about to begin."

_/Bells... bells in my head...Why are there bells in my head...?/_

Had someone red Kagome Higurashi's thoughts, they would have laughed. Had they felt Kagome Higurashi's headache, they would have cried. And the sound of the innocent alarm clock did nothing to help.

_/Why won't Inuyasha kill it already - / _

Kagome flung her eyes open and her arm shot out to silence the of practice secured a hard but not hand-hurting hit, effectively putting the ringing bells to a halt. This was normally followed by Kagome stretching while yawning, then picking up the clock to doublecheck the time before starting to get freshen up and dressed. But not today. Kagome remained frozen in her position, lying on her side, left arm outstretched and eyes open wide, breath uneven. An eternity passed, her eyes began to sting of dryness causing moisture to gather, but instead of just wetting the eyes it spilled over, flooded over, wetted her cheeks, and suddenly she had, just had to blink. But she could only close her eyelids, not open them again. That's when Kagome gave in. With a wail she rolled over in bed, pulling her limbs to her chest and cried out soundly.

_/Inuyasha... Inuyasha, Inuyasha! I need him, I need him so much, it hurts without him, more than Naraku, more than anything! It hurts so much...Inuyasha!/ _

There were fast steps heard in the hallway and Mrs. Higurashi knocked on the door.

"Kagome? Kagome, are you well?"

Kagome couldn't answer. She didn't even know wether she wanted her mother or not. Her breaths burned in her lungs and up though her airpipes and she almost choked on her own sobs. Breathe. She couldn't breathe!

"Kagome, I'm coming in!" Mama Higurashi called and opened the door. Spotting her distraught daughter shivering and sobbing on her bed, Mama Higurashi went to her side, one arm already securely laced around Kagomes body and one hand caressing her bluehued black hair. That's all. She didn't say or ask anything. She didn't cradle her child. She was simply there, making sure Kagome knew she wasn't alone.

Souta stood in the doorway for a moment, but left for school without any comments. Ojii-chan was foolish enough to ask if he should tell the school that Kagome had a nervous breakdown before he suddenly realized that this for once wasn't a joke or a lie. After that, he said a silent apology and left them alone.

It took hours. Of course, Kagomes tear's subdued long before that, only to reappear again when she finally was able to try to explain... some... to her mother.

Mainly that she couldn't see Inuyasha again.

After almost half the day, Kagome felt strong enough to fresh up a bit and then go down to the kitchen for a very late breakfast. Mama Higurashi served her with her usual smile, as if she was sure everything would be ok.

"I was thinking about making oden later on. Would you like that, Kagome?"

"Mmm." Kagome barely listened. She was lost in thought.

It felt better now, and yet, it felt worse. Kagome had bottled up everything inside for weeks; her fear, her pain, her hurt and her longing and it wouldn't just be clenched away by a good cry. But from now on, she would be able to think and act like herself again, even through the pain. And that's why it felt worse.

_/I can go back through the well even without the shards, I've done that before... but how can I? I just left them, left him, without any explanation. They're bound to hate me now... HE's bound to.../_

"Kagome?"

Kagome looked up. Mama Higurashi stood with her back towards Kagome, chopping vegetables and stirring in a pot from time to time. Kagome suddenly felt just how much she loved her mama.

"I don't know what happened between you and Inuyasha or anything else, and I won't pry. But I trust you to follow your heart...now. Take your time... but don't be afraid to be you and do what you want to."

Kagome was given an understanding, very motherly and loving smile for a brief moment.

"Trust your heart, dearest."

Kagome sat overwhelmed for a minute before returning to her delayed breakfast. She would trust her heart, but not just yet. She needed strength first.

She only hoped Inuyasha and her friends would understand... and wait.

_/And stay alive!/_


	9. Chapter 9

**Disclaimer: Rumiko Takahashi owns Inuyasha. **

**CHAPTER NINE****: FEAR**

Fear. Overwhelming, suffocating and mind-stealing **fear**. There was no other word to describe it, nothing else that could explain why Shippou, even as he was clutched onto Kiraras head and therefore second in line to every attack, didn't scream.

He was so filled with fear he couldn't.

Shippou knew fear - not as well as he knew how it was to be scared, but he knew it too well for someone of his age. He recognized it all too well, and memories of the very first time he had ever felt fear suddenly flooded his mind.

He had been gathering acorns for him and his father and he was in a good mood, already looking forward to be praised by his father. He emerged from the long grass that hid their camp – and froze.

The Thunder Brothers, the ones he and his father had hid from so many times stood with their backs toward him, facing his den where his father should be, but wasn't. Because there, around the younger bother Manten's waist, was his fathers pelt and his flesh and bone lay scattered in the clearing, ripped away for them to get the pelt fresh...

And then they turned around.

Shippou had never again wanted to feel what he had felt that very moment when his gaze locked with theirs, what he felt those everlasting seconds before he managed to pull himself together and run. It was a feeling even worse that the grief and despair that flooded over him later on, because he could at least act out on those emotions.

After meeting Kagome and Inuyasha Shippou had learnt what it meant to be scared, and that there was a difference between being scared and feeling fear. Scared, he learnt, was something he was just a short while before Inuyasha or Kagome killed or chased away whatever was threatening them. Scared was something that made him hesitate to go into battle, but quickly ignored since he would rather die with his friends than live on alone again. Shippou could accept and live with being scared from time to time, if it meant he was with his friends and didn't have to feel that other dreadful emotion.

But now, Shippou felt fear. Naraku's shoki along with his evil stare and smirk truly was intimidating, but still, Shippou wouldn't normally fear him and he didn't today either.

It was yokai Inuyasha who invoked the fear.

The first time Inuyasha transformed, everyone had been to startled to know what to do or to be more scared than they already were – and Kagome helped him quick enough. The second time when Sesshomaru provoked him to transform, they all stopped him before he could change completely. And then the time when Inuyasha went havoc and slaughtered those bandits. They had been too concerned about him to really be more than scared, and Shippou had really been more scared for Kagome's sake than Inuyasha's since she was the one approaching a bloodlusting demon and not vice versa. However, it was neither of these occasions that evoked his fear, nor was it the battle with Ryuukotsusei. No, somewhere in his panic-stricken mind Shippou thought about the time Inuyasha transformed in Kaguya's castle. Even when not fully transformed, even while fighting it, Inuyasha hadn't hesitated to attack Miroku. He had even put his claws in Kagome's arms when his nose if not his eyes or ears should have told him who it was.

When in yokai form, Inuyasha didn't hesitate to attack those under his own protection, and the only one able to reach him – maybe – was Kagome, who he in fact hadn't try to shred as he had Miroku.

But Kagome wasn't here to stall Inuyasha long enough for them to retrieve Tessaiga or to "osuwari" Inuyasha out of transformation. He would fight and kill until he or everyone else died, and in his heart, Shippou knew it would be the latter.

He would die by Inuyasha's hand.

Unaware of their little friend's distress, Sango frowned when Miroku urged Kirara closer to the battlescene. Both Naraku and Inuyasha remained still for the moment being, but the air crackle under the weight of foul and fierce desire to harm- rend- kill that oozed from both the hanyous.

"Houshi-sama, we shouldn't get too close! Naraku knows you have the Shikon jewel."

"I know, but Inuyasha will fight himself to death if we don't prevent him."

"Death...?"

"Look at the wounds and blood, Sango. His wounds are lifethreatening. If it hadn't been for his yokai side, Inuyasha would already be dead. We must make sure that doesn't happen!"

Miroku had unknowingly thought along the same lines as Shippou, but his result came out different since he wasn't affected by fear, though frightened. Being the second in charge next to Kagome and Inuyasha, Miroku could not afford to feel at all.

Sango's slim but well-trained body and lovely round bottom in front of him reminded Miroku very well that he really HAD to stay calm and think. Otherwise he would never -

"But houshi-sama, how?"

Miroku scouted the scene when Kirara made a wide circle still high up in the air and from a distance. He was careful to keep track of movements from both Naraku and Inuyasha, but they remained almost frozen, though the tension increased by the second. The one Miroku searched for was not in sight, but a cocoon placed behind and to the left of where Naraku was facing – towards Inuyasha - drew his attention. It reeked of spiritual energy. Miroku as well as Shippou or any of their companions knew there was limited chances they could help Inuyasha, but there was a small hope, a small chance that –

"Sango, that cocoon! I believe Kikyo-sama is trapped inside it, there's spiritual power in the air around it, purifying the miasma! We must get her out before Naraku is able to absorb her!"

Sango nodded her agreement before she suddenly realized what Miroku was thinking. Still urging Kirara onwards, Sango turned to face her battle comrade and perhaps one day husband.

"Houshi-sama, do you really think -?"

Miroku did not meet her gaze no matter how much he wanted to, nor did he allow his hands to caress the soft flesh so close to him, despite the encouragement it was for him to do so. He kept his gaze locked on the cocoon, estimating the distance between it and their enemies.

_/I just thought of Inuyasha as an enemy./_

Ignoring that thought, Miroku rushed to explain his idea.

"Kikyo-sama has never been around when Inuyasha transforms, but being Kagome-samas incarnation there is a possibility she might have the same influence on him as her, perhaps she can even use the subduing spell. If we can get him to hesitate for just a little while, we can give him the Tessaiga."

_/And then we might have a chance to flee and fight another day. We're all exhausted and Inuyasha's hurt in more ways than one.../_

Sango looked over the battlefield again. The cocoon was not within the very reach of Naraku and Tessaiga was not far from it. Yokai Inuyasha was slowly approaching Naraku, fangs bared and claws poised. The crackling in the air had heightened. It would all soon come to an end in some way if nothing was done.

Sango remembered how she had vowed to stay with Inuyasha even if he turned completely yokai. He had spared her life, let her in his company, helped her and defended her, relied on her to protect the group and thus giving her a purpose in life except revenge. She had a new family thanks to him. And more important; the remains of her own family, her own beloved little brother, was still in life thanks to Inuyasha. Sango had been prepared to kill Kohaku, then herself. She would have done it hadn't it been for Inuyasha. Sango owed Inuyasha, owed him too much to ever abandon him and by Hiraikotsu, she wouldn't.

Sango thought quickly. Kirara was more or less worn out and was using her spare strength as it was. She couldn't be expected to do more than easy maneuvers, and dodging Naraku's tentacles wasn't labored under that. But they needed to get Tessaiga and they needed to reach the cocoon and if Sango was to decide, Miroku wouldn't be the one doing it. Only he could keep the jewel somewhat pure and safe. Shippou was out of the question and Kirara already counted out. Sango knew what she had to do.

After all, she couldn't trust houshi-sama to make the right decision. He was a hentai.

Without a word but with a hidden smile Sango urged Kirara to fly lower, and just as they passed over where Tessaiga lay untransformed, Sango took a brief second to savour the feeling of Miroku sitting behind her before she jumped off her yokai friend, diving fearless towards the ground.

"SANGO!"

Sango ignored Mirokus scream and focused on the ground that seemed to close in on her. Her senses told her she'd earned both Naraku's and Inuyasha's attention, but there was nothing she could do about them right now. There was Tessaiga. There was the cocoon. It was time.

With an ease coming from years of practice Sango wielded Hiraikotsu above her head and with an empowering scream she forced the boomerang down the ground on the very tip of Tessaiga. The hilt of the katana flung upwards and Sango gripped the hilt with her left hand and pulled it along before she flip-flopped over Hiraikotsu and rolled on the ground to a safe landing.

Disoriented for a brief second, Sango felt her heart increase its speed to a crazy beat when her gaze feel upon the vile hanyou in front of her, his many tentacles a grotesque imitation of a spider's many legs. His attention was seemingly set on Inuyasha, but Sango knew better.

_/It's a matter of minutes now. Houshi-sama, Kagome-chan, I do this for you. Help Inuyasha!/_

"KIRARA!"

Sango's call broke the stunned, unnatural feeling of waiting and the clearing was suddenly a blur of movements. Inuyasha's gaze was still locked on who seemed to be the most interesting opponent: Naraku, but now he crouched down quickly before he wildly growling and snarling launched towards his enemy. Naraku reacted as quick, the passive tentacles suddenly everywhere in the air. Sango had to move to get out of harm's way, luckily towards the cocoon and not Naraku.

Kirara responded to her mistress call and closed in, dodging the deadly vines, but her fast movements made Shippou loose his deathgrip on her pelt and he fell off and landed amongst the nest of vines between Naraku and Inuyasha. Kirara made a move to get him, but Sango called her again, her voice strangled from trying to avoid every threat without cutting them. She couldn't; the shouki would kill her. Torn in her want to aid both, Kirara roared and headed for Sango.

Sango had her back partly towards Kirara, but she knew they were closing in. Her hold on Tessaiga didn't allow her to wield Hiraikotsu. If she could, then she could fend off both vines and shouki simply by spinning it over her head.

_/But Naraku knows that, so he would probably come up with something else. He's always three steps ahead of us./_

When she heard Miroku call her name, Sango knew it was time. She whirled around and was met by the sight of Kirara and Miroku, Miroku with his hand stretched out for hers and his eyes set on her. Sango met his gaze and allowed her concentration to fall for just a short heartbeat.

_/Thank you for all the times you have held out a helping hand to me, Houshi-sama. I haven't cherished it as I should have, but if you knew how much these short moments mean to me-/_

Sango stepped forward to meet them, but instead of jumping up and gripping Miroku's hand when she should have, she tossed Tessaiga up in the air and Miroku caught the katana by reflex. Kirara was forced to flee, to rush on through the air, her roars a clear sign of her distress. Miroku turned on her back, refusing to let Sango out of his sight.

"SANGO!"

Sango let herself have yet a spare second – just one second – of meeting the houshi's gaze before she turned and cut Hiraikotsu loose from the foul tentacles and lifted up her favorite weapon. The cocoon they believed held Kikyo was just behind her. Sango would defend and hopefully also free the resurrected priestess. That was her duty. There had been no other choice than this, and Sango wasn't sure she'd have it any other way either. She would do what she had devoted her life to do.

Fight.

Defend.

"HIRAIKOTSU!"

Exterminate.

Shippou didn't know whether he woke up or not. It was hard to tell if he ever had been out of it, because before he fell, his mind had been filled with horrid images of yokai Inuyasha. And now his sight was filled with even more lively images of yokai Inuyasha – ones where said yokai was moving towards him, claws out, mouth open and snarling, eyes with a deadly, hateful -

Shippou sat up with a bitten back shriek and darted to hide behind the green log-like thing behind him. To hide out of sight was every kitsune's first instinct. And because he was acting on instinct, Shippou finally snapped out of his fear and regained coherent thoughts.

_/He wasn't looking at me, he was looking above me, but I must get the situation clear!/_

So scared his whole small body was shaking like a leaf, Shippou glanced over the log-like thing.

Inuyasha moved faster than Shippou had ever seen before. Jumping, running, dodging – but not to stay away from Naraku, but to reach the tentacles of HIS choice, to get closer to his true prey – Naraku.

Shippou suddenly shuddered again and turned around.

There, only a few feet away, loomed Naraku above him.

That's when Shippou got his facts together.

_/I fell, not onto the ground, but into Narakus nestle of vines! I am between him and Inuyasha!/_

And Shippou panicked. Turning on the spot he ran, away from swirling tentacles, away from smirking hanyous, away from the friend he'd trusted with his life on more occasion than he could count, wildly screaming for the one he knew could help him, the one that always had offered peace and safety and shelter in his time of need.

"KAGOMEEEEEEEE!"

The pain when a thorned vine pierced his lower back made Shippou's mind clear enough to remember that Kagome wasn't here to quell the fear this time.


	10. Chapter 10

**Disclaimer: Rumiko Takahashi owns Inuyasha and for some reason I write her name more often than my own. How come? **

**CHAPTER TEN****: FLEE!**

Inuyasha moved almost too fast for Naraku to avoid his claws despite the hanyou turned yokai's could-be fatal wounds. Without the power of the Shikon no Tama, Naraku really had decreased in power. What he had already gained could not be taken from him, but the long time of use had made him depend on it for survival. He could not afford to be torn apart again, not completely. He had hardly managed to heal after that -

Naraku did not want to think of it.

He had no problem taunting the hanyou about Kagome, but the truth was that he feared her.

And even now, despite his smirk, Naraku was unsettled. Thing were not at all going the way he planned.

Inuyasha was supposed to be fooled and killed. Kikyo was supposed to have the jewel and Naraku would take both her and it for his use until the other miko came back. He would of course enjoy the anguish from the survivals of the party and continue his evil games – after all, he enjoyed them too much to stop now. But none of that had happened.

The only thing he had accomplished so far was killing the small fox demon. The only one he didn't even have a personal grudge with, which meant he did not gain any particular pleasure from it.

And Inuyasha hadn't even cared.

Naraku focused on the yokai again. Inuyasha was bleeding all over and his breath was short from inhaling too much shoki, but the mix of anger and partly satisfied bloodthirst stayed plastered on his face. His red eyes with blue irises refused to acknowledge anything but his enemy, and Naraku knew that Inuyasha would not stop until one of them were dead.

Even without having the jewel Naraku was certain the one to die would be Inuyasha. However...

_/The damned monk is out of reach and if I so much as turn my back to him, Inuyasha will kill me./_

To continue the fight would simply be a waste of energy. Better then to leave and conjure up a new plan based on his knowledge about the monk. That decided, Naraku grinned and pulled his scattered limbs back. Inuyasha paused in his movements, eyes narrowed in suspicion.

"Sorry, Inuyasha, but I'm tired of playing with you now." Naraku mocked. "But I do like you in that shape. You should stay like that!"

Inuyasha had crouched down and was growling during Naraku's little speech and even before the last word was uttered he pounced on his prey, wildly screaming:

"DIE, BASTARD!"

This was what Naraku had waited for. Cold-blooded he waited until the very last moment – then his swirling spears of sick limbs shot out and pierced through Inuyasha yet again, this time on many places on his body, many enough to stop even mad yokai Inuyasha in midair and make him scream. Naraku enjoyed the vision end sound as long as it was granted before Inuyasha bit together and with a scary roar cut through all of the vines in front of him.

That's when Naraku raised his shield and soared from the ground, leaving Inuyasha to fall helplessly on the ground in a pool of his own blood with a sickening splash. Naraku smiled for real when he saw the yokai remain still on the ground.

_/That's right. Die you scum, and let me take over those you once counted as yours./_

"I hope some part of you are aware of your defeat, Inuyasha... I want your soul to agonize over the knowledge forever in hell."

Naraku let his eyes scout briefly over the scene before he left, but since the monk wasn't in sight he parted, well aware that he for the first time ever had failed in a plan. It was a slight comfort knowing that his so called enemies hardly saw it like a failure.

Sango was beyond thinking. Her body worked on instinct alone; some given by birth, some gained through years of hard practice.

_/Fight. Defend. Exterminate./ _

Hiraikotsu danced through the air, an extension of Sango's very body and will. The heavy bone-boomerang was to her as light, swift and easy-maneuvered as her sword, the very sword she used in between her mighty throws and stuck down in the ground when not needed. She would not let those perverted extensions of lifeform reach the cocoon, nor would she let the cocoon itself tighten more.

_/Fight. Defend. Exterminate./_

It could have been minutes, days or years later when the foe suddenly was gone and the cocoon untangled itself. Before she could think straight Sango was chasing after her enemy, unwilling to let it go. Luckily enough she tripped on the battered ground, something that made her snap out of it.

_/Gods, I intended to attack Naraku himself, not just parts of him! How stupid am I?/_

After realizing she was too exhausted to move or even lift her head the answer was clear.

_/I am the most stupid person ever.../_

And that was the last thought Sango, the demon exterminator with the unselfish and big heart, thought before she fell into a heavy sleep somewhere between the broken bodies of her once hanyou and little yokai kit friends and the slowly stirring form of a resurrected miko.

And that's how Miroku found the scene when he finally was able to return, a transformed Kirara in his arms.

"Kirara, we must return! Sango needs our help!"

Kirara knew before Miroku raised his voice that the monk would say that. However the neko yokai was torn. They had been given the sword, the Tessaiga, and they should give that to Inuyasha as quickly as possible. But they had to save both Shippou and Sango too, without risking the lives of themselves or Kikyo – and at the same time they had to keep the jewel safe! In his love-filled heart and in the heat of battle, Miroku no longer held the ability to see that clear. He could only see Sango. But Kirara knew.

She was once the companion of Midoriko-sama. By her side, Kirara had learnt of friendship, love, honor, plight, duty and how to prioritize. That's why she ignored the pulls of love and friendship and used her last strength to leave the battlefield and bring Miroku along. Because above all, they had to protect the jewel.

Kirara had taken him as far as her power allowed her, ignoring her own gut-feeling saying her pack needed them and also ignoring Mirokus harsh words and heavy kicks to make her land. She knew he was worried beyond reason and she forgave him even before he calmed down and asked her for it. And she had been as eager as him to return to the clearing when her power finally ran out and she had to land and transform.

Not even their most scary worries lived up to the reality they found when they came back. The sight of Sango, Shippou and Inuyasha in those states shocked them, harmed them more than wounds inflected upon themselves would. That's why they didn't notice when Kikyo got on her feet and was startled by her question.

"Is the jewel safe?"

Turning his head only Miroku stared at her, eyes wide.

"Yes it is."

Kikyo outstretched her hand, demanding.

"Give it to me."

Kirara growled and Miroku suddenly felt the shock leave his body, leaving room for determination and a crave for action. Turning back he hurried to Sango's side to inspect her wounds, his voice low and filled with anger.

"No, Kikyo-sama. Inuyasha wanted me to hold the jewel if Kagome wasn't here to do it and he did not change his mind when you joined us at camp. I will keep it."

Turning her over, Miroku saw that Sango was breathing hard and he realized the shoki had gotten into her lungs. He could see some cuts and rather deep wounds on her body and he was sure she was battered black and blue, but she would live. Leaving her since she was safe for the moment he got up and ran towards the bodies lying in the bloodied field but had to stop seeing the many tentacles still sticking out of Inuyasha's body, still wiggling.

His stomach almost turned, but years of willpower prevented it and Miroku instead reached for his ofudas, the papers filled with sacred magic, and threw a handful on the tentacles. They withered away and Miroku stepped to the hanyou's and kitsunes sides. Kneeling, he carefully lifted Shippou's pierced body in his hands to inspect the child first.

The fox was unconscious and had lost a lot of blood. Miroku felt the panic rise again but he suppressed it and demanded his brain to think logical. Being a yokai Shippou would survive despite his smallness and supposed weakness even if the wound remained untreated, which it wouldn't.

_/But I wish I had help. Both Inuyasha and Shippou needs immediate attention and I only have two hands!/_

A rustle was heard and Miroku was once again reminded of Kikyo's presence. She was walking toward him, her face unrevealing as ever and her eyes flickering to and away from Inuyasha's body over and over.

"You ought to give me the jewel, houshi-sama. No one can purify it as well as I can." Kikyo simply stated, this time with her hands down.

Miroku knew that Kikyo just like Kirara knew how to prioritize. He knew that she only was concentrating on the most important thing and didn't mean to sound like she didn't care. The jewel was needed for defeating Naraku and keeping it pure was of importance, but by all hells, not NOW! Miroku caught Kikyo's glazed over gaze with his own intense, not knowing the effect it had on her.

"If you want to be helpful then tend to Shippou. Otherwise just leave."

Kikyo felt something inside her tense when that haunted look pierced her once again, and yet, it was different this time. She had been vulnerable inside that cocoon, trapped inside her own darkness and haunting memories and thoughts and it was still affecting her.

Part of her soul would forever be trapped in that very moment she let her arrow fly and doomed Inuyasha to eternal solitude in her hatred for him. No woman nor man on earth could ever regret anything more than Kikyo regretted that and no one should be having to pay such a high price for a mistake anyone would make during the same circumstances. But she tried to repent.. She tried desperately to repent. And she would by destroying Naraku. For that she now had to use the pure Shikon no Tama. However –

_/If I help this life... can't that too make up a bit for the wrong I've done?/_

Miroku hadn't waited for her answer. He put Shippou down to inspect Inuyasha's wounds and had taken off his robe and started to shred it. The bleeding had to cease and fast. Kikyo saw that the monk also was using his powers to lend the hanyou strength, something her miko powers couldn't do for someone with yokai blood. He wouldn't need her help to tend to Inuyasha despite her aching longing to do just that. So therefore Kikyo fell to her knees next to Shippou and pulled out spare bandages from within her clothing and began her work.

Night was coming on this the longest of days when Kagome had finally woken up and she had done nothing but thinking all day.

Thinking and crying.

When she had finally allowed herself to think of what had happened and beyond, Kagome had realized what a coward she had been.

_/Wrapped in my own pain... as if the other have not suffered as much or more. I let myself be fooled by Naraku./_

However, that was excusable. There had been circumstances making it worse. She really hadn't believed Naraku until Inuyasha had proven him right.

_/But did he really? It's true he avoided me like he always does when he has been with Kikyo, but the others didn't treat him bad of frown when speaking about him. They would have if they even thought he had been with Kikyo; they always do./_

Kagome absentmindedly petted Buyo where she sat on her bed. The more she thought about it, the more she realized she really had no clue about the situation. Then she frowned.

_/But thinking like this doesn't get me anywhere. Like Mama said, I have to follow my heart. And when it comes to that... all I can do is to go back – if I'm still allowed to./_

The pain in her heart and gut at the thought of her not being able to return forced forth more tears. To NOT see Inuyasha again? Not knowing how it would all end? Not sharing the hardships along with the laughter anymore? That was more painful than anything Naraku put her through!

How could she ever think that was what she wanted? Kagome though it to be a bad joke now, seen in retrospective.

_/I must really have been out of it... I hope the others understands and forgives me./_

Kagome looked out her window and saw the stars twinkle outside. Her head was heavy as were her swollen eyelids. She knew she had to go but she feared what she would find on the other side, and she really needed sleep. So with a sigh Kagome let Buyo down and snuggled down in her bed.

It took her last strength not to think about why Inuyasha hadn't tried to get her back once during all the past weeks. That one thought was one she did not have the power to process now... or perhaps ever.


	11. Chapter 11

**Disclaimer: Takahashi Rumiko owns Inuyasha. **

**CHAPTER ELEVEN****: REUNION**

Miroku felt the strain inside him when his spiritual powers ceased to flow over to the hanyou, no, yokai beneath him. It had been too short time, too little strength given, but that was all Miroku could do when Inuyasha still was in yokai form.

_/ He's not a true yokai, but his energy and aura is that of one and it won't accept help from a holy man. /_ Miroku though and proceeded to clean up and bandage his friend's battered body instead, removing the fire rat where needed.

It worried him to no end that Inuyasha's prolonged teeth and jagged stripes wouldn't vanish from his face, nor would his claws shorten. Tessaiga was there, Miroku had brought the sword himself and laid it along Inuyasha's side, and the transformation ought to reverse. So why -?

The sound of staggering steps paired with concerned mews alerted Miroku of Sango's presence and he suddenly realized he had been working on Inuyasha for at least two hours, deeming from the suns position. Wiping sweat from his forehead, Miroku leaned back and turned his head to see the love of his life.

She stood leaning on Hiraikotsu, one hand pressed against her abdomen, leaning forward. She was in pain and she was still tired beyond comprehension, but her brown eyes were focused straight at him and they held a desperate question.

_/ "Did we make it?" / _

Miroku rose quickly and went to Sango's side, guiding her a few steps forward before helping her settle on the ground next to Kikyo, who held a still unconscious Shippou in her lap. Kirara padded forth to Inuyasha and made a concerned sound at the sight of his stripes. Sango tried to see what she was reacting to and Miroku raised his voice, still holding one arm around Sango's slim back.

"I have treated Inuyasha in all ways possible and I gave him Tessaiga, but he haven't changed back yet."

"Haven't... And Shippou?"

Sango's voice was weak, a mere shadow of her normal, rich alto and Miroku let his grip around her stiffen a bit to give her strength. He gazed down into her brown eyes and assured her:

"Shippou will be fine. Kikyo-sama has tended to him; he will just need rest."

Sango turned her head to see and Kikyo displayed Shippou at her silent request. The hole through his small body had already reduced in size and would heal in a day or two, and the bleeding had stopped due to Kikyo's herbal healing abilities.

Sango made a small sob and smiled.

"They'll be fine..."

Then Sango, the vessel of the spirit of love, fell into a healing sleep into the arms of the only man she had ever loved outside of her family after using her last strength to make sure her friends was as safe as they could be.

Miroku could not love anyone more than he loved her that moment.

But they had stayed long enough on this bloody battlefield. It was just a matter of time before scavengers, both humans and yokai, would come and search for scraps of meat or belongings despite the daylight and they needed to leave before that. Sango and Shippou could easily be carried, but what of Inuyasha? And what of Hiraikotsu? Miroku knew that leaving Sango's prized weapon behind wasn't an option. She needed Hiraikotsu like Inuyasha needed Tessaiga, if not for the same reasons. How to do...?

Miroku looked up and found himself stare at Kikyo's eyes. She had waited for him to look at her, knowing what problem he was thinking about and prepared to offer a solution.

"Houshi. I have realized the slayer's weapon is very heavy and might be a hindrance. My suggestion is that we tie both the boomerang and Inuyasha to the neko yokai and allow her to fly ahead to Kaede. Then you and I can follow, me carrying this little one" Kikyo nodded towards Shippou in her arms "and you carrying the slayer for as long as she needs."

Miroku wanted to agree. He wanted so badly just to agree without thinking, because the plan was so simple and they needed to go. But...

"We can't. What if Inuyasha wakes up, still in yokai form? He'll kill Kirara."

Kikyo narrowed her eyes and let her gaze drift towards her once betrothed.

"Is that what he is in that shape? A murderous beast?"

Miroku didn't like the hint of loathing in Kikyo's voice. Carefully he put Sango down on the ground and went to Inuyasha's side, ofuda in hand.

"Inuyasha's yokai comes out to protect him when he's mortally wounded. This side of him is not a reflection of his personality or his desires; it's a reaction to the unstableness in his aura. As a hanyou, he balances the traits of human and yokai perfectly. When either one takes over, he gets unbalanced."

Miroku turned to Kikyo, an accusation in his eyes.

"To call him a murderous beast is unfair."

Kikyo refrained from answering the monk. She hadn't known Inuyasha could change like that. When she first saw his changed features, she hadn't asked about them since the monk hadn't reacted to them. Her conclusions were drawn out of the few pieces of information she had been given just now and it was also unfair to scold her for not knowing more, but –

_/ The monk is surely comparing my reaction with the one my reincarnation had seeing Inuyasha like this for the first time. And I'm falling short. /_

Kikyo remained seated with her thoughts, leaving the monk to clumsily move the slayer's weapon to Inuyasha's side and coax the unmoving yokai-hanyou onto it, sealing him to it with ofudas. Kikyo silently wondered why that was necessary if Inuyasha truly wasn't a murderous beast.

_/ But the monk never said he wasn't. He just said it was unfair to call him that. /_

When Miroku motioned for Kikyo to help him lift Hiraikotsu and Inuyasha onto Kirara, Kikyo put down the small yokai and rose to aid. And all the while the two of them carefully tied the burden onto the transformed neko yokai's back, Kikyo was thinking:

_/ "When either one takes over"... Does that mean there have been times when Inuyasha has been more human?And they have seen him then? /_

Kikyo had taken certain things for granted since her resurrection. Even if many of her believes had changed or been proven wrong, these were believes she had seen as truths. She believed Naraku wanted her because of her powers and her role as the one loved by Onigumo. She believed she was the one most fit – no, the only one able - to defeat Naraku and purify the Shikon Jewel. She believed she knew Inuyasha by heart, inside out. Now she found all of her truths shattered, found them to be lies.

Naraku no longer wanted her nor saw her as a threat. If so, she wouldn't have been left to live. The ones who lived to defeat Naraku deemed her unworthy to purify the Tama and Inuyasha...

Inuyasha seemed like a stranger to her.

"Be careful, Kirara!"

Kikyo tilted her head to see the mighty neko yokai take to the skies with her precious cargo before bending down to lift up the yokai child in her arms again. He was unnamed to her; a stranger.

No.

Realization hit Kikyo with a heavy impact. Had she been anyone else, she would have wanted to sit down and deny what she had realized; would want to wave it away, but she proceeded to walk instead, her face blank.

It was she who was a stranger to them.

The monk had lifted up the slayer onto his back and was now ready to leave, holding his staff in one hand and the slayer steady with the other. Kikyo noticed he made sure to keep his hand off contact with the woman's bottom in a very conscious way.

Yet another thing she, as a stranger, couldn't fully comprehend.

Walking on, Kikyo understood why her sister had made such a strange face when she said she would join the group. She had believed she could take the place of the girl from the future, retake her role as the guardian of the Shikon no Tama and companion of Inuyasha, fill the void the girl apparently had left.

But she couldn't, because she wasn't that girl.

She was Kikyo, but they wanted and needed Kagome. Kagome, who now was the one Kikyo's truths were referring to.

For the first time, Kikyo felt the insufficiency Kagome had been forced to live with almost from the very moment she set foot in the Warring Era.

It would take them three whole days to walk the long way back to Kaede's village.

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(A/N: This conversation is held on the third morning after Kagome's meltdown and on the very same day Miroku, Kikyo, Sango and Shippou reaches the village. It's hard to estimate and keep track of the timeline, sorry.)

"Mama?"

Mama Higurashi looked up and saw her daughter stand in the kitchendoor, somehow looking uncertain. Kagome's eyes, once shimmering with life and then suddenly dimmed and dulled had regained some of the life, but the spark was still hesitant and withdrawn. The long weeks of indoor study had left Kagome's skin unusual pale and her refusal of eating on regular basis had made her lose flesh she really needed on her bones. To an untrained eye Kagome would appear sickly and weak despite that light in her eyes. Mama Higurashi however knew better, because she knew her daughter. She knew what that spark meant and she knew what her daughter's pose meant. But most of all: she knew what it meant when her daughter was wearing a school uniform on a Sunday.

Kagome was ready to return and face her pain and fears.

Mama acknowledged Kagome by a smile and a nod and her daughter stepped in and seated herself at the table opposite Mama, her hands trembling a bit.

"Mama, I've decided to go back."

Kagome glanced up to see if her mother was about to protest, but she simply smiled and waited for her to proceed. So Kagome straightened her back and braced herself.

"But before I go, I must tell you what made me so...what made me like that."

Mama stretched out a hand and held it over Kagome's.

"I'm glad you said that, Kagome. I've seen your strength grow these three days, but... it's easy to carry pain in silence, but the wound won't heal until you talk about it."

Kagome nodded.

"I know. I've learned that the hard way, so... I'll tell you."

Mama waited while Kagome searched her memory for the right place to start her tale.

"It all began when we were told that Kikyo was dying..."

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Kaede stood outside her hut waiting for them when they arrived. Kirara waited with her, but ran to meet them when she saw Sango walking by herself next to Miroku, occasionally leaning towards him for support. Kaede noticed Kikyo seemed sad, but a different kind of sad, but she pushed those musings aside to more important matters. As soon as Miroku was within hearing reach, Kaede called out:

"Inuyasha is awake."

Before said hanyou's companion had time to cheer, Kaede continued:

"But he's still in yokai form. He won't change back."

The group stood gathered around the seething yokai. Inuyasha was still locked to Hiraikotsu by the ofudas, but his eyes promised death and pain. Kaede told them he had been screaming for hours when he first woke up: screaming for her to release him, threatening her and everyone who dared enter the hut to death, offering vivid descriptions of what he would do to them if they didn't release him just to promise he'd do it anyway the moment after. When he found out no one would come near him he'd quieted down, but there was a lethal threat in his snarl.

Kaede shook her head.

"I've tried everything in my power, but nothing helps."

Miroku frowned.

"He has Tessaiga. He should turn back, especially now when his wounds are healed enough not to be deadly anymore. I don't understand…"

Kikyo took a closer look on Inuyasha's wounds, careful not to meet his eyes. One of the wounds in his stomach seemed to hold a black, sickening glow around it and suddenly she knew.

"Miasma."

Kaede looked at her sister and then back at Inuyasha and saw what she saw. It was miasma left in one wound, filled with evil, enough to maintain the transformation. And neither she nor Kikyo could purify it without risking killing Inuyasha.

Sango had overheard and saw what they saw, but she didn't get why they still stood impassive. Angered she said:

"If there's miasma in Inuyasha, purify it already so he can go back to himself!"

Both the priestesses looked at Sango strangely before Kaede answered:

"We can't. If we tried to purify him now, we'd kill him. The pure energy would wipe out all yokai trace, not just the miasma. We can't purify him partly."

Sango blushed and felt a little stupid, but Shippou said from his secure place on Miroku's shoulder:

"Why not? Kagome could!"

Kaede's only eye narrowed.

"Now, little one. I know Kagome's a mysterious girl, but not even she can –"

"SHE CAN TOO! When we were in that stone giant and Inuyasha nearly turned yokai, she purified the Shikon no Kakera through him! He didn't turn human or anything because of it, he just went back to himself!" Shippou yelled.

Both Sango and Miroku stared as one bewitched at Shippou, not because he was correct but because he had caught and understood that. Neither of them had really stopped to analyze what had happened; they were just happy to be alive. Of course they knew Shippou was a very clever boy, being a trixter by nature as he was, but they hadn't understood he was that clever.

Kikyo caught Sango's brown eyes and asked:

"It this true?"

Sango just nodded, still startled. Turning her head away she suddenly met Inuyasha's red and blue gaze and felt her blood freeze.

He HATED her, his eyes said so.

Sango tore her gaze away from his before the fear could take hold of her. Meanwhile, Kikyo and Kaede tried to understand how Kagome had done that deed without coming up with anything. Kaede shook her head.

"Even so, I do not dare try to purify Inuyasha." She turned to Miroku. "Houshi-sama... hasn't anything else changed him back in the future?"

Miroku held his chin and thought.

"Well... there's 'osuwari', but that only works for Kagome-sama... unless..."

Sango and Shippou closed in on Miroku, curiosity in their eyes. Inuyasha made a low growl from his position on the floor.

"Unless what, houshi-sama?" Sango asked.

"Unless the command will also work for Kikyo-sama, considering she's Kagome-samas incarnation."

Kikyo didn't know what the others were talking about. "Osuwari"? A command for a dog? Kaede saw her confusion and explained:

"Onee-sama... when Kagome came here and released Inuyasha, he tried to kill Kagome and take the jewel. I used the rosary thee had made for the solitary purpose of calming Inuyasha down, but changed its effect so it would nail Inuyasha to the ground long enough for him to calm down instead of the emotional effect thee gave it. The magic word Kagome chose is 'osuwari'."

Kikyo said nothing while the others continued to remember how many times Kagome had used the commando. She was lost in her own thoughts, her eyes locked on the hateful being she once had intended to live her life with.

_/ Back then... He was never a true threat to me. His attempts were always half-hearted, because he wanted the jewel but he didn't want to harm me. And in time he changed completely until he was willing to kill anyone posing a threat to me. I was never in danger of his claws. I never saw him like this, so lost in bloodlust and hate. But still, I wanted him to wear a rosary so I could calm him down when I felt he was too wild. /_

Momentarily done with her pondering, Kikyo stepped forward and said clearly:

"Osuwari."

The being who once thought of himself as Inuyasha had followed the discussion with little interest, knowing not one of those chicken bastards would come near him. Too bad, since some of them actually could turn out to be worthy victims of his. Then he snorted inwardly.

_/ As if anyone of these stupid, lowly disgusting creatures could be of any use or fun. They're dead meat wether they know it or not! I'll make them scream, I'll make them bleed, I'll -/_

He paused his thought when a sudden movement caught his eyes. The other priestess, the younger one smelling of clay and bones, stepped forward and said something, something that made his rage spike out of measurable levels and got his growling snarl back on his face. How DARED that woman say that word to him?

He couldn't understand why the combination of that woman and that word made him so angry. All he knew was that he had enough of all this shit! He began to struggle against the spiritual bonding, using his ragefilled yokai aura to fight the magic flow inside of them.

_/ HellholefuckingSHIT, I'LL KILL HER! /_ He silently raged, snarling wildly in his efforts to break free – and then the bindings gave in, snapping like a rope and the yokai bounced to his feet, a joyless snicker of triumph slipping between his teeth.

The hated woman stood right in front of him, her eyes betraying the fear she tried to hide. He didn't wait: he charged her head on with his fingers curled to claw, aiming for her heart or throat. The monk shouted something and somehow, the woman managed to dodge the fatal blows and merely got scratched over her front on her right shoulder. The yokai fumed at this, but then his cold smile returned, seeing blood seep out through the wounds and the woman's chock to see it. And that was just a scratch on the surface! He couldn't wait until he got his claws deep inside her belly, clawing against her spine through her guts! He crouched down to jump at her when the monk suddenly slid in between him and his prey, shouting something over his shoulder. The yokai cursed when the woman as a response to the shout quickly turned and ran outside just when the monk hit him with his staff as hard as he could. He who once was Inuyasha turned his red and blue eyes towards him and a baring of his fangs was the only warning the monk got before he found himself showed aside, the wounds of five long claws embedded in his abdomen. The yokai ignored the shouts of the others in the hut and darted out through the door to chase after the woman – only to find that she was already high up in the air, carried away by some silvery soul stealing yokai.

"FUCK!" The yokai roared and was about to give chase anyway when something hard hit him in the head, something so heavy it made him dizzy. He was just about to turn to kill whoever it was hurting him when the object once more made impact on his head and shook his brains. This time he staggered down on his knees and was just about to shield his head instinctively when he was hit a third time and darkness engulfed him.

Sango raised Hiraikotsu yet again, prepared to hit Inuyasha once more if needed. Her brown eyes, otherwise so sad and gentle, held a cold determination she normally saved for battles with her greatest foe.

This was Inuyasha. This was a friend of hers.

This was the yokai who attacked Houshi-sama.

Sango allowed herself to be lost in her mixed emotions before exhaustion forced her to lower Hiraikotsu and she sat down on the ground, her eyes never leaving Inuyashas still form. He would be up and about soon enough, being a yokai, and she couldn't let her guard down just yet despite the fact that she had no energy left.

Inuyasha lay unmoving with his face down, but Sango could still see the purple stripes in his face from her view. She had never, not since the day she was definitely accepted as a member of Inuyasha's group, thought she would hurt him.


	12. Chapter 12

**Disclaimer: Takahashi Rumiko owns Inuyasha. **

**CHAPTER TWELVE****: PURITY **

The midday sun flowed into the comfortable kitchen where so many meals had been shared between loved ones, some now long lost. It would be lunch time soon and yet nothing was cooking on the stove nor were any vegetables chopped. The room in the air was tense despite the golden flow but still, nothing except the visible proof revealed the two women's presence in the room. Kagome stared at her mother, disregarding the salty rivers Mama's tears had left on her cheeks; a mirror of Kagome's own face. Nothing had remained hidden. Nothing had been left unsaid. There couldn't be; not anymore. The time of hesitation and fear was over.

But telling the truth presented an obstacle Kagome had only been semi-prepared for.

Mama met her daughter's sad, but calm gaze. Her own dark eyes held all the pain and sorrow her daughter's tale had brought her.

Mama hadn't known. She had guessed, she had suspected, but she hadn't known.

"Kagome, you can't go back."

"Mama."

Kagome let her eyes speak for her instead of words. She would lie if she said everything was fine now. Those strong emotions could not be pushed aside so easily and Naraku's touch was still very vivid in her memory and on her body. Kagome was still afraid. She was still feeling sick to the point of nausea about everything and most of all; her heart was still hurting, no, bleeding at the thought of Inuyasha's definite choice.

It would be so easy to just wait another day and go to school instead. It would be so easy to leave the rest to those more skilled, to those from that time, but...

Mama shook her head, slowly first but steadily increasing her pace to a denial.

"No. No, no, you can not go. Kagome, you can't! I forbid you!"

"It's not for you to decide, Mama." Kagome said softly. "And you know it isn't. I have to go. I want to."

Mama shook her head again and leaned her head against her arms, heavy sobs cutting through the tense air. Kagome shut her eyes closed and dried the tears from her face and eyelids.

_/ Mama. I am so sorry I make you feel like this. But this is reality. This is what I have to do; this is my life. Because I love them. /_

Kagome gathered her strength, knowing it wouldn't be long before her tears would flow again. This was real: all the pain, all the fears, it was all real, and they all had to live with it, even her kind mother. Kagome rose from the table and pushed the chair in, knowing her mother would not try to stop her physically.

"I love them, Mama. And they have suffered as much, if not more, than me."

Kagome walked to the kitchen opening and lifted her heavy yellow bag from the floor, pulling it onto her back. Without turning she simply said:

"Bye."

And Mama Higurashi was left in a kitchen kissed by mid day sun and air filled with heavy sobs coming from a mother who wanted nothing more than for her daughter to be happy and safe, but who knew that day was not for long to come... if ever.

But the thing that crushed Mama Higurashi most was the knowing. Knowing what her daughter had suffered through. Knowing that she'd probably suffer a lot more still. And worse: knowing there wasn't anything, noting at all, she could do about it.

She had no way to keep her daughter from harm.

What kind of mother was she?

…...

**Disclaimer: Takahashi Rumiko owns Inuyasha. **

**CHAPTER SIXTEEN: KIKYOS BLOOD**

**Her name is Kikyo. She is a miko, the strongest one alive since Midoriko, the strongest of them all. She has kind heart and a sharp mind by nature, and she's also skilled with a bow. Her purifying powers are suppressed by none and her knowledge in magic, be it spiritual or by herbs, are very seldom rivaled either. She's a person who should lead a happy life, being able to help and benefit all the ones in her care and bask in the love and admiration from them all.**

**However, Kikyo does not lead a happy life, because she's the guardian of the most valued item on Earth: The Shikon no Tama. To be a guardian means to be constantly on guard, never at ease. Never can Kikyo lose herself in her everyday chores or let her mind wander away in daydreams. Never can she allow herself to take a brief nap; never can she allow herself to be completely relaxed. She is a guard on constant guard, a guardian with no breaks or time off, while she simultaneously is supposed to be a miko, an elder sister and a protector. It's a lifetime duty and the years to come already weight heavy on her shoulders.**

**But then she falls in love. The miko Kikyo falls in love with the most unlikely boy: an inu-hanyou named Inuyasha. She falls for him because he's a puzzle to her. She falls for him because he's handsome. She falls for him because he, despite being out to get the Shikon Jewel, sees her as a woman. She falls because he's just as lonely as she is. She falls because he fills a void inside her heart. All a good reasons, nice reasons, acceptable reasons to fall in love. Still in her heart Kikyo wonders if her love really isn't trigged by a curse once placed on her by a rival miko, Tsubaki. That is not an acceptable reason to fall in love. So Kikyo never thinks about it.**

**Love grows over time and Kikyo and Inuyasha decides to use the Shikon Jewel to turn Inuyasha human. That way Kikyo would no longer be a guardian, but a woman with a mikos knowledge, and they could live together as a normal man and woman. The day comes –**

**- and Kikyo's beloved attacks her from behind, tearing up her right shoulder in a nearly fatal wound and steals the Shikon no Tama from her. **

The soul stealers brought Kikyo to the other side of Inuyasha's forest and gently put their mistress down on shaky knees. Memories still invaded her mind, getting mixed up with new experiences.

_/ Back then I never saw Inuyasha's eyes when he attacked me. I never saw his eyes shine with the hatred they held now. That's why I couldn't kill him after all. Those last moments, those very last seconds before I let my arrow fly, I looked into his golden eyes and found no hatred or despise. So I couldn't kill him. But I saw the hatred in his eyes today. /_

Kikyo turned her head and inspected the blood now drying up on her white kimono, fighting back the fear rising in her heart. Inuyashas claws had but grazed her skin so the wounds was not in any way threatening her life. What made her scared was the blood itself.

She no longer was the Kikyo of the past, the one with a future. She was now a mere copy of herself; a spirit of memories and emotions trapped inside a body made of clay and bones and as such she had no blood.

A soul stealer came and dropped a soul to Kikyo. She felt it enter her body ad expected the usual rush of strength flow through her. She did not expect the feeling of blood rushing though her faster or the still uneven thump of a not fully completed heart. Her hands flew up to her chest and her breath – breath? – was uneven as she felt beat after beat make the blood flow through her veins.

And that's when Kikyo understood what had happened and she sank to her knees, sobbing on nothing but air since no tears came into her eyes.

"Naraku, you bastard!"

She had been trapped by him, caught inside his cocoon and foolishly believed he had done nothing to her, thinking it was all about Kagome now. But the blood in her veins and her struggling unfinished heart clearly told another story.

Kikyo looked at her pale hands and began to rub them, feeling the blood run through them and slowly heat them up. She had never felt her own cold, but she was aware of it, painfully aware. Kikyo slowly raised her left hand and held it against her forehead. She felt the difference in temperature and her heart's uneven beats.

She felt alive.

_/ Oh Gods, no! /_

(¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤)

Miroku slapped on the last ofuda and stepped back to admire his work. The men of the village had been eager to help once the situation was explained to them and Inuyasha had quickly been carried to the Goshinboku with pauses only to make sure he remained unconscious. Now Inuyasha was securely tied to the tree and ofudas held him and the ropes to it.

_/ Yokai Inuyasha is scowling even when he's passed out. /_ Miroku mused. _/ The transformation really is complete this time and the only help we can offer is to seal him. / _

Turning his head Miroku saw Sango stand with a still trembling Shippou in her arms and small Kirara at her feet. Sango looked sad and determinant the same time and her eyes shone of the goodness of her soul. Shippous green eyes were surrounded by too much white, an effect of the fear still haunting and torturing him. His gaze never left the hanyou-turned-yokai on the tree and the breeze causing Inuyashas white hair to wave in the wind made the fox kit twitch, scared the yokai might wake up.

_/ To seal Inuyasha is the only thing we can do. If not for him, then for Shippou. /_ Miroku decided and turned to see if Kaede was prepared to do her part.

Old Kaede sat on her knees, fingers entwined and her point fingers pointing up in the air. She recited words for concentration, for focus and for purity over and over quietly to herself, trying to emphasize to herself that this was not about purification but a sealing. If she could just focus and tap the correct amount of power, then –

Kaede opened her only eye and looked down on the ground.

_/ Who am I fooling? Kikyo-onee-sama is the one in such perfect balance with the power, not me. Even if I once held the knowledge, I have lost it now. /_

Clumsily Kaede got to her feet, friendly hands offering her assistance as soon as she began to move. She accepted the help wordlessly as she had so many times before and raised her head to tell the houshi that she was unable to do her part; she simply lacked the ability – and was caught by the intense stare of deep blue eyes telling her to remain quiet. Kaede winced and Miroku narrowed his eyes. With a small movement of his head he nodded towards Sango, Kirara and Shippou. Kaede shifted her gaze, following his instructions and saw the very same thing Miroku had seen just a minute ago. Sango was looking towards her, searching Kaede's gaze with a question in her dark eyes, but Shippou kept his eyes locked on Inuyasha like a deer caught by a predator. Avoiding Sangos question Kaede turned back to Miroku whose dark gaze now held a clear message.

_/ Do not tell them you cannot do it. Try and fail if you have to, but do not leave things like this. /_

Kaede had known the houshi could be as cruel as he was cunning but she had never thought he would be willing to sacrifice Inuyasha's life for the mental welfare of the others, especially the kitsune. The houshi surely knew that the exterminator would be devastated if Inuyasha was killed, so how could he suggest it? Miroku apparently saw these thoughts pass though Kaedes mind and once more he nodded slightly, this time towards the village men around Kaede and then back towards Inuyasha.

_/ The villagers are not safe. Inuyasha won't be held forever and when free again he'll kill them. He has to be dealt with, sealed or dead. /_

All of this had taken but short seconds and no one but Sango seemed to have noticed the silent messages between Kaede and the houshi. For that Kaede was grateful, now that she really knew what she had to do. She sighed and silently held out her hand to receive her bow held by one of the men and soon found herself at aiming stance, an arrow nocked and ready to fly when a memory flooded her mind.

It had been a rainy night now followed by a sunny morning and the young woman Kaede was on her way back to the village after a travel to another village. Not really thinking about the route she took, she suddenly found herself closing in to the mighty Goshinboku where her sisters killer, Inuyasha, was sealed. Kaede felt the now familiar uneasy feeling in her stomach grow as she closed in and saw the pinned hanyou. Her emotions for him were mixed to say the least. Kikyo had kept so many secrets about him and their relation and in the end everything had happened so fast that young Kaede never quite understood what befell. Kaede noticed Inuyashas clothes were as wet as her hakama and shoes and felt a pang of pity for him, hanging there unshielded in the rain. It was a strange thing to think. Stepping closer to distract herself, Kaede noticed the tree was completely dry around the hanyou. Frowning young Kaede let her hand slide over the rough trunk. There was no doubt: the heat radiating from Inuyasha had dried the wood and still kept it slightly warm. That was how young Kaede suddenly understood that "sealed" was another word for "kept alive". The immobile hanyou with an arrow through his heart was still alive!

Waking up from her memories again old Kaede was left with the memory of the most intense empathy she had ever felt. To be alive and not allowed to live had to be the cruelest thing one could ever do to someone – and more so to Inuyasha, the one who feared loneliness above all. And yet for the sake of others welfare and safety Kaede now found herself prepared to do that very thing to that very person. Aiming carefully, Kaede tried to find the courage in her heart to let the arrow go when Inuyasha suddenly grunted and a quick flash of spiritual power engulfed him. Miroku immediately dashed to her side and called out:

"Kaede-sama, wait!"

Kaede quickly lowered her bow and used her senses to try to figure out what the light had been, but now nothing was visual to the naked eye. Inuyasha was still there, yet something had changed in the air.

_/ It's like I can no longer feel Inuyasha's presence even when he's right there. How can that be? /_

Miroku shifted his gaze to see beyond what a normal man could see and tried to trace what had happened but failed. He knew the old miko by his side could see what he could see: the spirit of Inuyasha, his soul, was no longer inside his body, but where it went and how was beyond him. Knowing Sango would burst out in a river of concerned questions in a moment, Miroku raised his voice.

"His soul has left his body, but we don't know why or to where. There was some kind of spiritual power covering him just then and -"

"Spiritual power? Was it Kikyo-sama?" Sango interrupted.

Kaede shook her head. She knew it hadn't been Kikyo, both in how the magic felt but also because she was the only one understanding the significance of her bleeding.

_/ Which of course is another problem all together_. / Kaede concluded and focused at matters at hand just as Sango joined them, Kirara in tow. Miroku silently let an arm slip around her back to offer her support just as her own embrace offered safety to the still shivering fox kit. Kaede saw the houshi's dark blue eyes loose some of his determination as he read the expression on Sango's face, knowing she would not allow any risks if they could be prevented, so when he turned to meet Kaede's own one-eyed gaze she was prepared for his decision.

"Kaede-sama, I think it's for the best that we wait until we have figured this rush of spiritual power out."

Kaede tried not to show how relieved she was when she unnocked the arrow, but she knew at least one knew anyway, just like she knew her duty had merely been delayed, not removed.

Kikyo washed out the last blood stain from her white kimono and held it up in front of her. The blood would leave a small yellow stain like blood tend to do on white material but it was bearable. The sun still wandered across the sky heading for late afternoon, the birds where chirping and Kikyo's blood flooded in an even stream through her body, pumped around by a newly created and somewhat unfinished heart.

Just five days ago Kikyo the resurrected miko would never have been kneeling by a small pond in the outsides of a forest washing clothes. Just five days ago Kikyo would not have noticed the birds, nor the fact that the water felt cold against her hands despite its warmth.

Being somewhat more alive already changed her but the fright was so fast replaced by contentment and joy. Kikyo smiled to herself and hanged her kimono to dry over a nearby branch, sitting only in her kosode and hakama leaning against the same tree, closing her eyes.

_/ Naraku made me somewhat alive again to have the pleasure of seeing yokai Inuyasha slaughter me... or just take pleasure of the thought of it, but I lived. The Shikon no Tama is no longer my responsibility and the man I loved is beyond my reach, lost in himself. I know I must still fight Naraku, I know that has to be fate's sole purpose for allowing my resurrection. But how can I not enjoy the feeling of life inside of me? /_

Some small part of Kikyo's mind was screaming loud warnings. Since when would anything given by Naraku feel good without him gaining on it? Never! Her own trail of thoughts ought to show her something was amiss inside of her, affecting her spirit through her fake body. But that small part could not reach the rest of her and still smiling, the nearly-alive woman Kikyo nodded off against the tree, completely unaware of the red eyes glimmering with malice watching her.


	13. Chapter 13

**Disclaimer: Rumiko Takahashi owns Inuyasha, not me. **

**CHAPTER THIRTEEN**** - CONVERSATIONS**

Despite being unconscious, the very soul of Inuyasha raged. His mind screamed with fury, demanding his body to move, to slay! But it was as if his soul was pushed too far away, unable to claim and move his perfect designed-for-murder- husk. But the pain was still there, the burning, scorching pain still ate away at him from within, slowly dragging him to his unavoidable death...and hell.

Miasma.

Some part of Inuyasha knew that it was over. Some part of him wanted to be killed once and for all, before he hurt anyone else. Some tiny, small part even had the notion that everyone would be better off without him. That part of him just wanted to give in and wait.

But that part was so tiny, he could barely recognize it himself. Be it through wild rage, hatred and bloodlust, but his warped yokai-side still had a will to LIVE.

"AAAAARGHHH!" Inuyasha screamed in his mind, with his mind, through his mind - tried to vocalize his anger and agony, tried to reach and hurt someone, something, somewhere. Tried to not to be so GOT DAMNED ALONE...!

Inuyasha?

Inuyasha started. What the fuck? What the hell? What -

Inuyasha, is that you?

"WHO? WHO ARE YOU? WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU?" Inuyasha mentally screamed, eager to reach someone, eager to kill someone, eager to kill off his own pain.

Inuyasha!

That VOICE! It was pain itself, but not the same pain - this one burned in his mind only. It made him feel - feel...!

"DAMN IT! WHERE ARE YOU?"

"INUYASHA!"

For a moment, Inuyasha saw an image of a girl with long, dark hair, and big, worried eyes. And then he was engulfed in swirling, pink mist and pulled even further away from his battered body, leaving all pain but the new one behind. And then he saw Kagome.

In Inuyasha's memory, there had been just mere seconds since he was lured into Naraku's trap. He had been fooled by a false Kagome, that he knew, but his panic in losing even the decoy image of her was still very vivid. And here she was in front of him, safe and sound, looking like herself again.

"Ka- Kagome?" _/Can this be real?/_

"Inuyasha? _/It really is...!/_

All the emotions struggled to come out through words, crowding brain and mouth and ended up in chaos.

"Kagome! What - Where - What's -"

"Inuyasha, I - You - I'm sorry!"

Golden eyes met almond ones and suddenly there were no longer need for all the questions and sorrys. Kagome slowly reached out towards Inuyasha, but found no substance where his hand should have been. This was expected.

"Goshinboku. We're both by the God tree, aren't we?" Kagome said, and thought: _/Then we really needed to meet./_

Inuyasha couldn't remember being anywhere near the Goshinboku. He couldn't remember anything since the battle and he did not know how much time that had passed since then. But he had a vague feeling of pain... and anger.

"I might be. I don't know. I think...I think I have been...or still am...yokai. I remember miasma..."

But how could he focus on that when Kagome was here? He hadn't seen her for so long!

"Kagome... are you still...in pain?"

Kagome shook her head, then hesitated and made a small nod.

"Yes and no. I am, but I will heal. I was going back now, when the Goshinboku...called me."

_/She was coming back!/_ Inuyasha felt pangs of joy, but they were somewhat off, like something was amiss.

"Kagome... I think something is wrong with me. I feel like I'm fading - something is wrong, something's - AAAAHHH!"

Kagome flinched when Inuyasha screamed, his head jerked backwards and his hands wrapping his guts. Kagome launched forward, screaming his name, and fell through him, suddenly colliding with Goshinboku. She stumbled back regaining her balance, but when she looked up again, the magic was gone and she was alone in front of the mighty tree.

"Inuyasha? INUYASHA!" Kagome screamed and hit the trunk. "What happened? Inuyasha! Take me back to him, take me-!"

Kagome caught a light from the left and turned her head. The wellhouse was lit up with magic, probably from the well. But it wasn't a lighthouse's warning to beware, no, it was a beckoning, an invitation, a reminder: "Why don't you go yourself?"

Kagome ran.

Kikyo stroke the back of her hand with her fingertips. Had the feel of living flesh and skin always been so soft and alluring? The touch of her own hand against the other was addictive and sensual, almost painful in its limitations. There were so much of her own body she did NOT touch now, and yet, the feeling of these few square-inches being caressed -

_/What am I doing? What am I thinking?/_

Kikyo came back to reality with a jolt. The sun had wandered quite a bit - God knows for how long she had been sitting there like a moron, caressing her soft, warm skin, feeling the tiny hairs raise up upon her touch and listen in to the steady beat of her pulse as she carefully stroke along one slender finger -

"NO!"

Kikyo flew to her feet, her heart straining with the afford. It started to ache and Kikyo held her hand over, as if trying to calm it down. But then she immediately removed her hand again.

_/I can't touch any part of myself, or I'll get caught up in...that...again./_

Dusk. There must have passed hours since the first time she broke the spell and now. Kikyo realized her soul-bearers were gone and that the air was way too still. She was not alone. Something ominous was waiting for her. Her heart beat furiously, cold chills ran down her back and her breath -

_/FOCUS!/_

"Naraku."

It wasn't a question. Kikyo knew it was him, and it began to dawn on her what exactly he had done to her. If her suspicions were true, death -walking, buried, whichever- was to be preferred.

A rustle in the dark called her attention, which was why Kikyo remained perfectly still. In order not to get caught in this web, she had to forget about being living and revert into being a walking dead. A walking doll.

But it hurt so much to know, to be so AWARE of everything that would be lost to her.

_/But I'll remain me./_

"Naraku. Or should I say Onigumo?" Kikyo called out, a taunt in her voice.

"Kikyo." This time the voice came from behind her. Kikyo remained still. "By now you should know, there's no Onigumo. You've lost that power over me."

Kikyo let a cold smile seep up in her face, one that contradicted her struggling, unfinished heart and the sweat.

_/The beginning of the end.../_

"So it was you, Naraku, who took pleasure in seeing me so obsessed with physical longing and touch? It was you who manipulated my body and mind to be suited for a lover?"

Here Kikyo hesitated and a low rustle could be heard from somewhere. Naraku remained silent.

_/Say it!/ _

Gall threatened to rise in her mouth because of what she was about to say, but said it, Kikyo did.

"Was it because Kagome was a bit too pure for you? Did you need a somewhat soiled toy for Onigumo's perverted lust in order to be completely satisfied?"

Kikyo balled her hands and was almost caught up in the feeling of her fingers against her palms and released her grip quickly. Her heart thumped like a madman, her breathing was heavy. She was scared, she felt nausea. And yet Kikyo knew, none of what she felt was herself.

"In fact, this is Onigumo's desires you've filled me with, isn't it? Along with some poor person's blood and entrails." _/And heart!/_

"What if I say it's all you, Kikyo?" Naraku's voice now came from her right side. Kikyo stood still.

"Then you are lying. Because...I can feel it. The mix of my hidden longings mingling with...his!" Kikyo spat out the last word.

Naraku chuckled darkly.

"Now, now... desire is desire, don't you agree? And you are alive, something the betrayer of a man you chose couldn't accomplish. Just half a soul and clay. To be expected of a dog."

Kikyo swallowed and tried her best not to take the bait. Her false, unfinished heart strained to keep up with her clam fury. Or false? Unfinished...? Realization struck Kikyo like a hammer and almost made her fall to the ground.

_/By all Gods...!/_

"This is a child's heart!"

The question/statement was left hanging in deepening darkness, a dark, low laughter its only companion.

Kikyo stared down at her own chest in horror, wanting to almost rip out the heart...to get it away from herself and back into the body it was stolen from. But that was impossible. For would she touch herself even the slightest, she'd been drawn back in to the would of touch and there she would stay. Fall deeper and deeper until Naraku was through enjoying her shame and degeneration. And she had no arrows - how come she hadn't noticed this until now?

Naraku.

Kikyo knew then she had lost the game. She had no weapons. Her body and mind were contaminated, soiled. Her soul-stealers had vanished as soon as her mind fully grasped the fact that she now needed other means to exist and no one, absolutely no one, would search for her to see how she fared.

_/And that's partly my own fault.../_

Knowing the hopelessness in it all, fighting the impulse to press a hand to her fighting heart, Kikyo then decided to run. Naraku had destroyed everything that was her, except this: She was Kikyo, and she would never willingly surrender to Naraku!

**...**

Mama Higurashi saw her little, yet already adult girl jerk away from Goshinboku and run like the wind towards the wellhouse. Her untrained eyes had seen little of the magic Kagome more or less lived in; she could only see her girl respond to calls that would, perhaps, lead to her death. Or worse: lead to a life full of pain, making her daughter wish she was dead.

_/But that's what parents do. We give children life, knowing that we will be unable to protect them from harm and death. And we have to let them go, despite us wanting to hold them close, keeping them safe. I HAVE to let Kagome live her life. Otherwise, I'm a prison guard, not a parent./_

But no truthful thought on earth could stop the trembling of Mama Higurashi's hands. Or stop the held back cry of sorrow she finally let out just when the well house lost its magical light.

Kagome was gone.

...

The clearing, green and welcoming as ever. Inuyasha's scream of pain still echoed in Kagome's mind, but even so, some part of her noticed how soothing and calm the scenery was. Until she darted through it, stomping down grass and flowers alike. The Goshinboku was straight ahead, Kagome knew the way by heart. And even if she hadn't know, the strange pull in her mind would've showed her. She could see. She could run. She could breathe and she knew where she was heading. Kagome knew it might be too late. She knew it might be a trap. But still, a speck of hope and joy fluttered around inside of her at the thought of seeing Inuyasha again, at the thought of meeting all her friends.

There.

_/Goshinboku!/_

And also...

_/Inuyasha!/_

"INUYASHA!" Kagome yelled, without noticing it herself. She ran straight to his bloody form, unaware of the many men from the village and her friends calling her name. Two feet away from him, Kagome stopped.

_/His face. That scowl. This is the face of a mad yokai in pain, not Inuyasha./ _

Ignoring all attempts from the others to gain her attention, Kagome continued her examination of Inuyasha and found the wounds. The dark, repelling aura from the miasma inside the wounds were already spreading, creating a dark mistlike pattern beneath Inuyasha's skin and would soon kill him with its poison.

That thought made Kagome gasp and without thinking, she lay her hand above Inuyasha's heart and -

swirling mist where a yokaihanyoboy in pain cried and cried and cried he would die die alone no matter he hated them all he would kill not alone don't want to die

- embraced and held all of him she could find -

I'm here I'm here I'll stop the pain you can hate me you can kill me you're not alone I'll save you I'll be here don't leave me I'll stop the pain just don't leave me

- and made clean what had been made so unclean.

A purification. Not a healing. A purification of miasma, not of the yokai parts. A purification to clean body and soul alike, to to alter them into something that in some people's eyes would be better. It would have been so easy for Kagome to use this miko magic and change Inuyasha to human, for that amount of power was hers to wield. But being a hanyo isn't the same as being impure in Kagome's mind, nor is being a yokai.

_/Inuyasha is Inuyasha. I want him to be Inuyasha./_

...

Miroku felt the Shikon no Tama pulsate. He and Kaede could both see the sudden mass of miko powers surrounding the couple at the tree and was astonished. And, just as when he'd been forced to see Sango dive to her death in their last fight, Miroku was completely and utterly useless. But this time it felt bearable. This time, there was Kagome. Her presence alone filled him with hope, a hope that seeped through his body and into the Shikon no Tama. Miroku pulled the jewel out from within his robes and was amazed.

"Hoshi, is that..?" Kaede came closer, her only eye opened as wide as possible. "Is that the Shikon no Tama? It hasn't shone so bright since Kikyo-oneesama... if even then!"

Sango, too, pulled her gaze away from the embracing couple at the tree and gave the jewel a look, and then a stare.

"Did it become so pure just now? But Kagome's way over there!"

Miroku didn't know what to say but one thing.

"Then this must be considered a good omen, don't you think, dear Sango?"

And, just when the priest's eyes locked with the exterminator's in a mental embrace, the magic surrounding Kagome and Inuyasha faded and Inuyasha opened his now again golden eyes.

"Inuyasha! But - it's impossible to -!" Kaede burst out.

Kagome had already begun to unbind her beloved hanyou, but paused and turned to Kaede. Her eyes shone with delight, her spirit aflame in her happiness to once again be where she was supposed to be.

"I didn't know it was impossible, Kaede-san. I just knew what needed to be done."

_/A miko's instinct...!/_

One thought, many minds.

One by one, the gathered men and women joined Kagome in her struggle to untangle Inuyasha, and it was painfully obvious that there had only been a purification, not a healing. Inuyasha had large, painful wounds all over his body, fresh blood seeping through his clothes. His pain was clearly visible in his eyes, not only the physical pain, but his mental agony. But above all that a tremendous relief shone through.

_/Kagome... she came back!/_

...


	14. Chapter 14

**Disclaimer: Takahashi Rumiko owns Inuyasha.**

**CHAPTER FOURTEEN**** - A NEW START**

"KAGOME! INUYASHAAA!"

The shrill voice could cut through bones and Kagome steeled herself for the expected impact from a small furry body, but it never came. Confused, Kagome searched for Shippou's lithe form and found him standing outside Kaede's hut, waving. Instantly happy to see him, Kagome raised her hand and waved back.

"SHIPPOU!"

Lower, she asked Inuyasha: "Why isn't he running to meet us?"

Inuyasha jerked. To be honest, he had no idea. He too, had wondered about the absence of the kitsune. But before he could enlighten Kagome about his unawareness, Miroku interrupted.

"Shippou have been injured, Kagome-sama, and has still not fully recovered. He will soon be back to his old self, but he still needs to rest."

"Injured?" Both Inuyasha and Kagome burst out, and Kagome turned confused to Inuyasha.

"You didn't know?"

Once again, Miroku stepped in to save face.

"It was during the same fight that put Inuyasha here in this state. He was yokai most of the time and haven't really... been himself for a while. So he could not have known."

Kagome frowned.

"How long ago was this fight?"

Miroku hesitated. If he told Kagome the actual time, she'd berate herself to no end for not being here. But still...

...hiding the truth and being unclear was what had brought them all to this situation to begin with.

"Three or four days ago, I think. We've been kind of sleep-deprived, so it's hard to remember."

Kagome took this in without revealing her thoughts.

_/Three or four days. Things could have been different if I was here. But I wasn't so there's no point thinking like that. More importantly: three or four days, and Shippou who is full yokai have not healed yet. He must have been on the brink of death.../_

"It was Naraku."

Sango came up on Kagome's other side, Kirara in tow.

"Had it not been for my armor, I would have been killed. With you gone, Kagome, he no longer played with us. He was out to kill us all, Kikyo-sama too."

"Kikyo?"

Kagome turned to Inuyasha.

"She was with you?"

Inuyasha sneered. "She tried. Didn't do much good."

"Don't say too much, Inuyasha!" Miroku warned. "A lot happened after you got deadly injured. We owe Kikyo-sama our thanks... and I believe she is in need of our help this very instant."

Inuyasha sharply turned to Miroku.

"She's injured? What do you know?"

Sango and Miroku felt alarmed when they saw Kagome bite her lip and frown, thinking she once again would misunderstand Inuyasha's urgency to know about Kikyo. Little did they know about how Kagome's soul had matured from a lovecraving stubborn teenagers into a warriors. She now knew that whatever she wanted to happen, she had to do it. And in the big picture, Inuyasha's lingering feelings for Kikyo was but a small detail. Unimportant until later on.

Shippou had begun to walk towards them, as fast as his condition allowed him. Kagome called to him, telling him to just wait. Soon, they would all be gathered inside and then the situation would be sorted out, once and for all.

_/And a battle plan formed. This time, I'll bring that pain-giver down!/ _

...

**"Congratulations. It's a healthy baby boy!" Kikyo informed the exhausted mother. It had been a long childbirth, but nothing out of the ordinary. **

**To help deliver babies was also a miko's work, despite them never having their own. The only exception was if a miko lost her powers, and that was...**

_**/Never to happen./ **_

**Kikyo loved children. She loved how defenses they were as newborn, how strong they so quickly became in a year, how curious and clever they were. And in each and every one of them, Kikyo could see rays of hope for the future. The village would live on. The peace would be defended. New children would grow up, the same hope residing within them. **

**But not so for her. A miko was for the whole village, for the whole world to share. She could not allow herself to be tied down with family. A lover, perhaps, but not a child. **

**And yet, Kikyo wanted a child. Wanted a husband. Wanted someone to really know her, wanted a family of her own to make sure she never again would be lonely. **

**It was very human of her to wish so, and it was also very forbidden. Kikyo herself did never ever let these thoughts out - not until she met an existence of kindred spirits. One who was as lonely, or ever lonelier, than her. **

**Inuyasha. **

**They never talked about children. But it was quite obvious that they, after the transformation, would live as a regular couple in the village. Toil the earth. Produce children. In one single wish, Kikyo would get her very longed husband and also her eagerly awaited family. She would get her own child. **

**But she got death. **

...

A child's heart is strong. It can endure a lot. But it's not fully grown. A heart grows with it's owner, grows along with the body. It is not suited for any other bodysize than its own or one similar. It can definitely not be used by a grown-up, not for long. Kikyo knew this. She felt it.

_/Please, a little more!/_ Kikyo thought. And then she couldn't allow herself to think anymore, lest she'd be caught by the nasty thoughts again.

How long had she been running before her heart strained and forced her to slow down? Kikyo didn't know. She could not sense Naraku anymore, but in this tired state, she couldn't be sure just because of that. Her body longed to rest, but rest would also lead to entrapment inside her own mind. All Kikyo could do was to force herself to move forward, move forward, until she collapsed or died. Death was to prefer, since a collapse would only lead to her being caught inside the sickness Naraku had filled her with. Kikyo knew that, but her body said otherwise.

Mind and soul can want to die. A body can't. Not even a heart forced to work way too hard for such a small one can give up. Not until it's completely and utterly ruined, and then it stops forever. But it does never want to die.

Unable to think, unable to sweep the sweat from her brows, unable to allow herself to be anything but a doll, Kikyo pushed on, hoping without hoping that she was headed towards her old home.

...

The mixtures of souls bound to be trapped inside the Shikon no Tama kept its distance to the fleeing figure. It was impassive, though some part of it wanted to give chase and kill while another wanted to give chase and force. But that was just details in the big picture. Given time and possibility, both these desires would be seen to. What the main will wanted, it didn't know.

...


	15. Chapter 15

**Disclaimer: Takahashi Rumiko is the creator, owner and in all ways master of Inuyasha.**

**CHAPTER FIFTEEN**** - TIME TO STOP THE PAIN**

Morningdew in the grass. Early workers off to the field: it's always something needed to be done. Some young children fetching water. The village was slowly waking up to a new day. From the hill she stood on, Kagome could see the smoke from Kaede's hut slowly dissolve as it rose in the air. They had been leaving early and was now ways from the village. Only a few more minutes of walking, and the wild forest awaited them.

Kagome took one final look and then turned her back towards the village, returning once again to her waiting friends. She could see the awareness in their eyes; they were still worried that she would leave them again. She couldn't blame them. Among the worried eyes, Sango's stood out most. Sango knew too much about losing people in her life: to put all her faith with one who turned her back to friends and responsibility was hard for her. But Miroku had reminded her about the trust Inuyasha put in her, back when she stole his sword, Tessaiga. Anyone could make the wrong decision.

_/"And we do not yet know what Kagome-sama was put through_."/ Kagome recalled him saying.

They did not yet know that, and perhaps, she would never tell. It did no longer matter the way it did before. Now the memory of the pain had more to do with her resolve to end the source of all pain than feel sorry for herself. It was a bad experience that would be used to make sure nothing like that ever happened again.

Miroku seemed worried too, but not for the same reasons. Kagome knew he could sense the difference in her, but without knowing what she'd been through he couldn't pin down what exactly was the difference. No, he had bluntly asked Kagome if she planned on being a sacrifice. Miroku himself had played with thoughts of going down in a heroic way and felt the ease they brought. All she had to do was to get captured again, this time with the jewel, and then destroy Naraku once and for all - and herself in the process. No more pain.

Kagome had no such plans, but Miroku had not believed her. You know others as you know yourself.

Inuyasha was both more simple and more complex. He worried for her safety, and for what ever happened to her before. But his worry was also for Kikyo, now that he knew what Naraku and himself had done to her. Miroku feared for her existence in this world, but more so for her soul, and Inuyasha knew that Kagome was the only one able to help. Perhaps the Shikon no tama could help her too, but since its powers were so unpredictable, Kagome had advice them not to. She even refused to use its powers to heal Inuyasha and Shippou, despite the fact that it had healed her once.

_/I still don't know how that happened. And it wasn't done immediately after the purification, it happened after Sango had seen me./ Kagome pondered. /As if something within the jewel wanted people to witness it happening. And not any people: my friends. Sessoumaru was not good enough./_

The bright side of the jewel clearly had a will of its own. Then probably the dark side too...

"I'm ready now." Kagome announced, and began to lead her friends forward into the forest, leaving the village, Kaede and a still recovering Shippou behind her. Miroku, Sango, Kirara and Inuyasha followed suit.

...

Naraku looked at the broken doll that used to be Kikyo. One last stumble and she fell and did not move. Naraku could sense the life that still reminded with her, but knew her mind was no longer there. Kikyo had used her last energy to shut down her mind completely - Naraku has felt her do so, since it was his mind-trap. She had chosen to be a catatonic doll withering away to death rather than being his toy.

It hurt somewhere.

Naraku waited. He could sense the Inu-gumi approaching. They were not yet close, but it was only a matter of minutes before Inuyasha would trail his scent. Then he would come, and bring along both Kagome and the Shikon no Tama. Then everything would come to an end, be it good or bad.

**The end. **

**A/N: No, it's not a joke. I had the whole end-fighting scene all planned out. I wanted Kagome to realize that Naraku himself was the one to suffer most pain of all: as Onigumo, as the neglected spider-demon, as the chosen sacrifice for the Shikon no Tama. And then she would purify him, leaving them all with the issue of Kikyo and the shard in Kohaku, but with the knowing it would be no more pain. That's how I meant for it to finish. **

**Unfortunately, I can only do battle scenes when I'm depressed, and with my husband and lovely daughter in my life, I can't see that happen anytime soon. If I revert back into my depression (half a year in therapy for that one), I promise to write the missing part. I'm sorry for this, but my loyal fans knows from before that all of my stories leaves the reader longing for more. That's how I write. Please, do not yell "NOO!" in reviews. I wish I could do more, but I want to put PAIN to an end now and move on to more joyful stories. **

**Thank you all for the reviews from before! I have saved all of the over 300 of them and they are my dear treasure!**


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